I know it sounds a bit strange to say that I’m grateful I grieve. But when I add the words, “when God grieves”, then, for any beloved child of God Most High, it doesn’t sound strange at all. Rather, it demonstrates the power of the Holy Spirit in us; that renews our minds and transforms our hearts to think how God thinks, and to feel what He feels, and do what He does; the way He does it—in His steadfast love, righteousness, and justice (Jer 9:23-24).
One of the sins that us Christians rarely speak, think, or teach about, is the sin of omission. The sin of knowing the good we ought to do and not doing it (Js 4:17). This passive sin (neglecting to do good) grieves our God and Father just as much as when we actively doing evil. Examples of the sin of omission include: neglecting to daily seek the face and counsel of our God in all our ways (Prov 3:5-8) and neglecting to pray without ceasing for the needs of others as well as ourselves.
This particular sin of omission is fresh on my mind and heart, because I recently committed this sin in a most grievous way, before the LORD and to those around me.
As you know, I recently underwent my third heart surgery for my fifth arrhythmia (AFib). And while I was at the hospital, I neither prayed for those around me, nor did I consider if my Lord had any work for me there. As a matter of fact, none of these good deeds, ever occurred to me. Sadly, rather than have my eyes fixed on Jesus, I had them fixed on myself. I was more concerned about the care I was receiving, rather than on the cares of Jesus and those He came to save.
I thought I was only there to repair a malfunction in my physical heart. But our faithful and kind and compassionate Father revealed to me, that I had a major malfunction in my spiritual heart as well. My physical heart was beating chaotically because of AFib. This caused ischemia in my blood vessels, and slightly enlarged my heart. Likewise, the my spiritual heartbeat was chaotic rather than beating in the orderly and harmonious way of my Savior. Due to suffering from ingrown eyeballs, the lifeblood of Christ (His Holy Spirit), had less effect on my fatty soul while at the hospital (Ps 119:70a).
When I arrived home, I was grieved. So I prayed…and prayed…and prayed for several days—alone. With my grief growing, rather than dissipating, I humbled myself and asked my husband to pray for me regarding this matter. After several days had passed, my grief began to consume me, “Did I sin against my God by not sharing the Gospel at the Hospital, or did He close the doors for me to do so?” I was completely disconcerted not knowing if my grief was due to sin, or because Satan was trying to guilt me into stumbling. So I humbled myself again, and asked my pastor to pray for me also. Then, the very next day, as I was reading Psalm 91:1 (yes, I didn’t get very far) the LORD answered me.
My merciful Father showed me what He saw in my heart—spiritual complacency.
The Holy Spirit reminded me of what I’ve long learned from the Word of God, specifically Proverbs 3:27-28, Romans 12:1-3, Philippians, 2:3-4, and the denouement…James 4:17.
The greatest good, the most magnificent gift and treasure I always have with me, is the Lord Jesus Christ (2 Cor 4:6-12). And this, I neither remembered nor did it even enter my mind to offer this good gift to those around me (Prov. 3:27-28). Forgetting the former, caused me to seek God’s Word only for myself, and not for the good of others. Rather than be there with a renewed mind, I sinned by conforming to the futile ways of my flesh—caring more for myself than those around me. This sin begat more sin, and I disobeyed Philippians 2:3-4. I was selfish. I was not humble. I did not consider others more significant than myself, and in so doing, the view of myself became larger than my view of God.
This grief would’ve been beyond consolation if not for God’s first gift of grace, and our first act of submission and happy obedience to Him—repentance (Mk 1:15, Mt 3:8, Rom 2:4, Eph 2:1-10).
Though I sinned grievously against my Lord from the moment I arrived at the hospital to the time I left, my Father did not leave me in my sin. Because He chose me before the foundation of the world, and sent His one and only Son to be the propitiation and expiation for my putrid sins, I am free to practice the gift of repentance all the days of my life. I am free in Christ to live in His righteousness. I am free in Christ to confess my sins before the Lord Almighty and to those I’ve sinned against, as well as those I need to intercede for me (Jas 5:16). I am free in Christ to regain intimacy with my Lord when I repent (Jas 4:6-10); for a broken and contrite heart are the sacrifices that God does not despise (Ps 51:16-17).
May our God and Father use this article to bring comfort to you if you are grieved by your sin. And may He use it as a wholesome nourishment to your soul, that you may daily bear the fruit of repentance so that you may maintain a deeper intimacy with our Father, and greater resolve, to sin less.
For more encouragement on what godly sorrow is (2 Cor 7:9-10) and how to daily practice this grace from our Father, please listen to my pastor’s sermon. Be sure to have a note pad with you so that you may make note of the Scriptures he shares, as well as what the Holy Spirit is teaching you through this faithful slave of Christ.
