As my earthly tent continues to weaken, due to the the 13 years in which the Lord Jesus carried me through a brutal and torrential storm of persecution, my mind and heart delight in these words from my Lord,

All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst…”

On January 8, 2020, I will undergo my 3rd heart surgery (cardiac ablation for atrial fibrillation) and 13th surgery within an 11-year-period of time. Less invasive methods for my fifth arrhythmia have already been tried and found to be ineffective. My most recent physical affliction has caused me to daily suffer from extreme fatigue, light-headedness, headaches, and nausea, with occasional incidences of near syncope. I’ve had adjustments made to my pacemaker to help prevent a heart attack, and prescribed a blood thinner to help prevent blood clots and stroke.

To compound the stress put on my worn and weary heart, I’ve also been suffering a great deal from a “thorn” of Satan (spiritual persecution from a professing believer).

It is easy to be dismayed when my eyes are focused on the here and now, on myself and others, rather than on the there and then, and on my God and Father. But when I lift my eyes to the hills, where my help comes from; from the Maker of Heaven and earth, then though I can only dimly see eternal things, it is still a more beautiful and truer sight of what is real, and perfectly good. And in the light of what awaits me in my Forever Home with Christ my God, I feel I can perceive all things here, even more lucidly.

Therefore, shall I complain of my sufferings—minuscule in comparison to what my Lord suffered for my sake? Shall I be perplexed by the fiery trials of unmitigated and unfounded disdain? Shall I desire less hardships in this life, than what my Lord taught me to expect in His Word? Shall I be surprised by the insults and hatred of false professors who practice the works of the flesh (idolatry, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger; Gal 5:19-21)?

No. I shall not refuse what my Lord uses to refine me. Rather, I ask for it. I ask that people will see Christ and the holiness of God, rather than see me. I pray that if in so doing, people misunderstand and mistake my own character—of weakness, frailty, and fear of man, for the character of Christ—humility, strength, and steadfastness.

In Matthew 10:34-36 and 1 Peter 4:12-14, my Father has faithfully reminded me that though those who feign victimhood receive comfort and encouragement, and it seems that I am left out in the cold, because of Christ, this is an impossibility. The truth is, all who are in Christ, are hid and sealed in the hand of the Almighty who is a consuming fire. And we are therefore, always warmed and kept safe by His divine hand, whether or not He allows people to participate in this compassionate work of His grace in truth.

Remembering this, I am able to endure the loss of all things (bodily health, beloved relationships), for the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, my First and Greatest Love, and my most magnificent and sufficient Portion forever. For I have none in Heaven but my LORD. And there is none on earth that I desire equal to or above Him. Though my flesh and my heart fail me, because God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever, I have the inexplicable happiness and highest honor of being able to daily feed from God’s Word, and drink from His Holy Spirit—having my hunger and thirst wholly satisfied beyond what I even knew was possible.

‘Come unto me and drink’…Not, come and take a hasty draught; not, come and slightly alleviate, or for a short time remove one’s thirst. No! ‘drink,’ or ‘be drinking’ constantly, habitually.

Do not let us change the Savior’s words…It is not ‘Whosoever has drunk,’ but ‘Whosoever drinketh.’ It is not one isolated draught he speaks, or even many, but of the continuous habit of the soul. In John 6:35, also, the full meaning is this, ‘He who is habitually coming to me shall by no means hunger, and he who is believing on me shall no means thirst.’ The habit of coming in faith to him is incompatible with unmet hunger and thirst…

It seems to me that where many of us err is in leaving our drinking in the past, while our thirst continues present. What we need is to be drinking—yes, thankfully for each occasion which drives us to drink ever more deeply of the living water.

1 Peter 4:1-5.

My marriage is beyond amazing right now, but it hasn't always been this way. My darling husband and I didn't start our marriage fully trusting God. In our immaturity, we were deceived into believing that we only had to trust God for the "big" things in life, and were smart enough to handle all the rest ourselves. Naturally, we discovered how beyond wrong we were as our marriage began to disintegrate right away.

The first three to five years were very strenuous and we nearly divorced within our first year of marriage.

Neither of us were raised in godly homes and had no concept of what a true and healthy biblical marriage (or family) looked like. After seriously contemplating divorce, we both agreed, that no matter how much we didn't like each other at times, we would choose to love each other all the time, just as Christ our God has loved us. Divorce was off the table and we would both pursue to honor and trust God in and for everything. It was still very difficult for both of us to die to ourselves and completely relinquish sinful habits, but by Christ's strength, we were able to rise above the ashes of our past and soar in the faith God has so graciously and abundantly granted us in Christ Jesus our Lord.

A bit about family...

Through this tumultuous time in our marriage, God taught us that we needed to be "clean slates" and throw out everything we'd known before and start afresh with Him. So we began to read and study Scripture as if our lives depended on it; because we finally realized that it did. We devoured any book, any magazine and any anything God brought our way to help us honor Him in all things and to raise our children in the love and admonition of the Lord so they would have what neither of us ever did; a family where love for Christ is preeminent.

A bit about parenting...

By God's grace we both strive to live our utmost for God's highest and teach our children the same. We've committed many sins and made many mistakes which we've apologized (and still do as more come to mind) to our children. Repenting to God and our children has been a continual conviction and practice of ours throughout their lives. This has been an essential part of our parenting so that we might always point them to the Cross of Christ and urge them to look only to Jesus for perfection and the fullness of joy.

Our youngest son is our prodigal who left for a couple of years and has now returned, but sadly, unrepentantly. But because we love the Lord Jesus, we've received him just as he is, as we pray for our Father to grant our precious boy the repentance that leads to saving faith in Jesus Christ the Lord.

A bit about my writing...
I am currently in the process of writing my first book, My Second Love which is a verse-by-verse study of biblical submission and the Proverbs 31 woman.  I used to write for Examiner.com with two columns: Christian Worldview (national) and Christian Marriage (local) and currently am a blogger at The Christian Post.

A bit about my heart...

I am one of many blessed and dearly loved children of God, who day by day, hope to see more of Jesus revealed in my life, than me. My greatest desire is for my life to be something beautiful to the Lord (Mark 14:6). I don't have any "great" plans or goals for my life. I just want to contribute any amount of joy and gladness to God and Father's heart, no matter how small that may be.

What do I write about? I write about living abandoned to Christ in marriage, biblical submission to all God-given authority, parenting, friendships, evangelism, and my often debilitating and very painful health issues for the past 15 years—all with the eternal, rich, and hope-filled perspective of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I try to keep it real, while keeping it pure, to keep it praiseworthy (Ephesians 4:29, Philippians 4:8-9)

I'd love for you to journey along with me as I share my life lessons, struggles and victories found only in Jesus. And I'd love to hear how God is growing you in your faith so that we might mutually be encouraged to press on (Rom 1:11-12).

Please feel free to contact me with questions or comments regarding faith, struggles (especially as a wife or Mama), or regarding any of my articles.

May God's grace and peace be multiplied to your spirit.