As many of you know, I daily face many serious and painful health challenges. To quote one of my 12 specialists, I have a very "eventful medical history".

And the events continue.

In February of this year,my stellar Optometrist, Dr. Jeff Thomas, found a tiny spot near the macula of my left eye and some bleeding in my back of my right eye. But nothing to be too concerned with at the time.

This past week, my vision began to decrease daily; especially in my left eye. I didn't tell my darling husband Jim until yesterday, because he always makes me call a doctor. The only reason I told him at all, was because my sight has become so hindered in just the past few days, I was sure he would notice. So, to stay out of trouble, I shared it with him as merely an FYI situation. So if he notices that I can't see something, then he'll have a heads up. The end.

Unfortunately, my darling Jim mistook my simple FYI for a, "Should I call the doctor?" Long story short, per my husband's direction, I called my Dr. Thomas' office only to obey my husband and give them an update. I knew that they were only seeing emergency cases, and was sure this would not fall under that category. So though I felt this call unnecessary, I did as my darling husband asked.

The options Dr. Thomas' office is kindly offering patients is: phone triage, update to her manager and/or Dr. Thomas to let them determine if we can simply do a triage phone call, tele-visit, or in-person visit.

After Dr. Thomas called me yesterday, he determined that I needed to be seen in person for further testing. And he made an appointment to be seen earlier this morning.

We found out that since February, the teeny tiny spot near my macula in my left eye has grown quite a bit in a short amount of time. I now have two cysts that are causing swelling near my macula—cystoid macular edema (CME). And a little thinning of my retinal matter in my right eye. This explains why my eyesight is very blurry, colors are dull, and I have some blind spots in my vision.

And here I thought it was all just hormonal imbalance. Of course, I initially blame all my declining health issues on hormonal imbalance. And so far, I'm batting a thousand (obviously, I jest).

After his findings, Dr. Thomas informed me that I'd have to see a Retina Specialist. But the Ophthalmologist that's at the top of his list is difficult to get into. He said that he'd try to get me in within the next two or three weeks. Shortly after I arrived home, Dr. Thomas' office called me and informed me that I have an appointment with the Retina Specialist, tomorrow, at noon.

So here we go again.

Surprisingly, though I am not looking forward to add to my already "eventful medical history", I'm not at all afraid or the least bit anxious. The first thought that came to mind was, "Should I lose my eyesight, these eyes can still see the LORD." And having that thought be the first thing to pop into my mind, was planted there by my God and Father, to set my feet on solid ground, making my steps secure; regardless of how well I can see the physical steps I take.

No matter how well I can or cannot see with these temporal and physical eyes, it has no adverse effect on how well I can or cannot see my LORD. For my God is always with me, and what He sees and perceives, is what I get to see and perceive, in Christ Jesus my Lord.

My life is not determined by anything in this world. I am not limited by any physical space or  time. I am free in Christ, to live exactly as He has ordained for me to live—in His good and perfect will.

For those of you who are led by the Holy Spirit to pray for me. Please follow His leading and not your own. Please pray as our Lord Jesus taught us to pray, for God's will and not our will. And what is His will for this? It's the same as He said in John 9:3, and so many other passages of Scripture that speak of the glory, honor, and exaltation of God and His gracious and merciful Gospel of peace. So, in that vein, please pray for me to have the courageous and loving compassion of Christ, to "see" people the way He sees them: lost or found. And pray that in so doing, that I may seek to do good to others, rather than seek comfort or any good for myself. For I already have more than I need through the glorious and inexplicable riches of Christ Jesus.

(If you're wondering, yes, this was very difficult to type. So if you see typos or strange sentence structure, that is why. And if you don't see any errors, thanks be to God!)

We must pray for our President's repentance before he suffers severely from waving his fist at the LORD of hosts, the Lord Almighty who is, and who was, and who is to come (Rev 1:8).

"NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2016 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month." -President Barak Obama

On Tuesday, May 31, 2016 President Obama made a proclamation demonstrating his utter foolishness and wickedness. Ever since the President took office in 2009, he has been contending supremacy with God. And now, sadly, to increase his enmity with God, he openly and unashamedly blasphemes the name of our holy and awesome LORD. In this audacious act of megalomania, our President is attempting to rename and recreate what the LORD Almighty has said is good (a man is a man, a woman is a woman, both created in the image of God, Genesis 1:27).

Our President is suffering from severe self-deception, therefore, knows not what he is doing. He truly believes, along with the LGBT community and their supporters, that being a lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender is something new. It is not. Which is why, by His grace and extreme act of kindness and mercy, the LORD God lovingly admonishes His image-bearers to refrain from such heinous acts against His holy name.

King Nebuchadnezzar tried to contend supremacy with God and the LORD Almighty struck Nebuchadnezzar with madness so that he crawled on his hands and knees and ate grass like an animal. It wasn't until he humbled himself before the LORD and repented of his arrogance that he was restored (Dan 4:24-33). 

King Herod also tried to contend supremacy with God and the LORD Almighty caused him to be eaten by worms, and he died (Acts 12:21-23).

These are only two examples of numerous occasions recorded in Scripture of people who dared to contend supremacy with God, and the destruction they brought upon themselves. Our God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. May He grant our President repentance that leads to saving faith in Jesus Christ.

And may our magnificent Father God grant all His children the strength, discernment and wisdom to lovingly and unashamedly proclaim His excellencies to all people. And may our gracious and merciful Father remind us that our sins are just as heinous before His sight. We are no better than anyone in the LGBT community or those who support them. We, like every human being God has created, have sinned grievously against our holy God and only by His grace have we been granted the gift of repentance that leads to saving faith in Jesus Christ (Rom 2:4, Eph 2:8-9).

Therefore, let us not boast in what we ourselves have done nothing to earn. But let us strive to share the Gospel with the lost, that they may also hear, believe, and be saved.

By now many of you have heard about the McKinney pool party melee that's exhausted the social and news media-merry-go-round. You've heard about the one police officer's misconduct and the accusations of racial discrimination. Many (too many) have been discussing this and shared their story with obvious bias for either the pool party attendees or former Police Cpl. Eric Casebolt (who resigned yesterday, May 9, 2015).  

So, why am I adding to this story? I'm talking about this because I have yet to read or hear anyone share this story based on the precepts of God Almighty. As a Christian, I choose to see this entire incident and all involved, by the standards of God's holiness and righteousness.

But before I discuss the McKinney issue, I want to share that I'm Asian and therefore understand racial discrimination. I grew up in Virginia during the 70s where we still had some segregation, though the laws prohibited it (white neighborhoods, black neighborhoods, white schools, black schools, etc.). I still vividly remember being only five years old and having an adult white man (accompanied by 2 others) chanting, "Ching chong, ching chong, go back to Hong Kong". Then he lunged at me as if he were about to hit me, but he spit in my face instead and roared laughing as he walked away. Things like that happened often...too often, and it was always very disconcerting and extremely frightening.

Aretha was one of my dearest friends all through elementary and some of middle school. I practically lived at her house. She's black, I'm Asian, and we were nearly inseparable. I spent the night often, went on her paper routes with her, and even tagged along to dinners and other engagements with her extended family.

In middle school, I met some wonderful friends, both black and white and in particular, my sweet friend Stacey who I remained close to throughout our high school years.

During my elementary school years, I often wished Aretha's mom was my mother and actually, called her "Mama" because she mothered and loved me well. During my middle school and high school years I always wished Stacey's mom was my mother because she was so loving, attentive, understanding and kind. I always felt so safe and well-loved by these to precious women God put in my life. And though we could see our different races, it never affected the love we had for one another.

Some people say they don't see race. And I believe them...if they're blind. But if a sighted person tells me they don't see race, they're simply lying. We all see race. I see race, and you see race. However, to see race and to discriminate are two very different things. I know I'm Asian, I can see that. I know my husband of 23 years is white. I can see that. I know our children are mixed. I can see that. I recognize that I have friends of various races, but their race doesn't determine my relationship with them. Seeing the difference with my eyes doesn't make me a racists. Making a distinction in my heart is what makes me or anyone, a racist.

Though I'm now 46 years old, I still get discriminated against. Depending on where I am, I still get strange and unkind stares and sometimes ill-spoken words by those who not only see that I'm Asian, but make that distinction in their hearts. What do I do about it? I don't ignore it. I pray for them because their wicked behavior is evidence that they don't know any better...but I do.

As my darling husband puts it, though we can visually see different races, in God's sight, there are only two races, that is, only two kinds of people: those who are saved and those who are not. And because my Father's greatest concern is the condition of a person's heart and not the color of their skin, this is my greatest concern too.

There are many articles that tell portions of the story. Therefore, in order to help you get as much of the truth as possible, below are links to articles that include video footage as well as photos that will help us all see the bigger picture—the effects of human depravity.

[WFAA News] Backstory: What led up to McKinney incident

McKinney Pool Party Organizer, Tatyana Rhodes, Lawyers Up – Likely Trying To Avoid Civil Liability….

Who's responsible? Tatyana Rhodes is responsible for for lying about the party being a graduation/birthday party (her invitation says it was a #dimepiececookout), and for exploiting teenage girls and using them as sex objects for her "Dime Piece" parties where she usually charges a cover fee (the McKinney party was a free "Dime Piece" event that she organized in order to sell tickets and promote another one of her paid events). Tatyana's mother is responsible for aiding and abetting her daughter's madam-like business (I wonder if she pays taxes on this?). Former Police Cpl. Eric Casebolt is responsible for not doing his job—bringing peace and order to the community. His cursing, man-handling and abusive behavior towards children (possibly belligerent children) was inexcusable, immature and very unbecoming and unexpected of an officer of the law. The two white women who physically fought with Tatyana are responsible for not being mature and sensible enough to have simply left the pool and called the police rather than involve themselves in an altercation with an arrogant and immoral 20-year-old. The parents of all the teens who attended this party are responsible for not teaching/training their children well and for excusing behavior I hope, they wouldn't allow in their own homes. The children attending the party are responsible for forcibly entering a private neighborhood pool and disrespecting adults and the other children and families already at the pool. And lastly, the news media is responsible for their biased and poorly investigated reporting that turned an already exhausting situation into a bonfire of false accusations, gossip, outcry for purported but unsubstantiated racial discrimination, and the outlandish terrorist-like death threats targeting the police officer and neighbors of the Craig Ranch community.

Conclusion: Before I'm a woman, a wife, a mother, friend or Asian, I am a daughter of the Most High God. And because I am such, I'm held, like former Cpl. Casebolt is held, to a higher standard. Like Casebolt, I expect to be jeered at, cussed out, and mistreated in various ways whenever I intercede in a situation where emotions are high and rationale is low. Knowing this, the first action I take is to get on my knees and pray; to intercede in prayer for all involved, asking God to give me wisdom from above (James 3:17-18) so that I might do good and not harm to all people. The second action I take is to enter the situation with the peace and reasonableness I want others to emulate. Then whenever and wherever possible, I open my mouth, so that what's in my heart (the Gospel of Jesus Christ) may effortlessly flow out so that all who have ears, might hear, repent, and be saved.

Christians, let's not do what the world is doing. Let's not pick sides based on the color of someone's skin. But let us do what God Almighty has empowered us to do through Jesus Christ—sow God's peace with love, truth and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The McKinney pool party melee happened for the same reason why any painful and disconcerting incident happens; because we're all sinners in desperate need of eternal salvation, through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ alone.

Pray for the salvation of all involved since we don't know who is or isn't saved. Pray for God's truth to be revealed and for His peace to reign in the hearts and minds of all who are responsible for this tragic event. And pray to see if God might use you to help bring His truth, grace and peace to the community of Craig Ranch, the McKinney Police Department, news media or anyone who needs a personal demonstration of what true love and honor looks like (John 15:13).

Ever since Robin Williams' death and alleged suicide, there has been much talk in private conversations as well as mass media coverage and personal blog posts. I generally stay out of these "hot" topics because there's already been more saturation of a certain issue than necessary.

So, as unusual as it is for me to write about the topic of depression and suicide after we've all been immersed in volumes of words over the past few days, I am writing about it. Not to join in and repeat what's already been said, but to bring a heavenly perspective to it so that all who read this, might find true hope.

I don't share this often, and especially not in public. But I feel it's time now that I must, so that the work of God may be displayed in my life (John 9:3) even in the depths of sorrow.

When I was 15 years old, I became so depressed by all that I suffered and all the horrid evils that were hurled at my little frail body since I was four, I wanted to escape. Brutally persecuted for being a Christian for 11 years, raped twice, stalked by a neighbor in his late twenties for nearly seven years and bombarded by teen hormones and the cruelty of high school life...I was done.

Seeing no other way out, I made my first attempt to take the life God gave me. Back in those days, we didn't have coated pills, so when I tried to overdose, the pills began to melt in my watery hands as I leaned over the sink to cup water in my hands, swallowing as many pills at one time, as quickly as possible. But since so many melted, I also took a host of other medications I found in our medicine cabinet. I made myself very ill and remember waking up in bed with no one in my family knowing what happened. At least I don't think they did. We never talked about it.

My second attempt was to jump out my two-story window. I did, but not realizing it wasn't high enough, to my great disappointment, and being an athlete, I subconsciously landed well and only sprained my ankle. Feeling even more desperate at two failed attempts and worried that by now, my family might suspect something and try to stop me, I quietly began formulating another plan. And this time, it would be fail-proof....and it was. I won't share what I planned lest I give anyone ideas. But trust me, it was fail-proof.

After carefully plotting and planning my last days here on earth. I exhibited what many suicidal people do. I was happier than I'd ever been. And everyone noticed. I went from being sullen, bitter and desperately hopeless, to extreme bliss and peace nearly overnight! Why? Because I had finally decided and knew without a doubt, my plan to take my own life (the one I had no right to take because I'm not the Author of it) was finally in view. It was over. I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel...so I thought.

You see, I was saved when I was four, so during all these calamities I was a Christian. Yet, in great despair, as a Christian, I had no other Christians around me who cared enough to love me through this.

But there was always God. And for a time, it seemed enough, until I took my eyes off Jesus and put them on myself and others.

I was determined to leave this miserable place and go Home to eternal bliss before my Savior!

But there was always God. And, there was the way He made me. Jesus said, "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Mk 14:38) and it is written, "if we are faithless, He remains faithful—for He cannot deny Himself." (2 Tim 2:13), and again it is written, "And I am sure of this that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil 1:6).

I had no tender heart to help me out of the cesspool of depression and suicidal inclinations, whether in this world or within the Body of Christ.

But there was always God. God my Father who created me for His purpose. God my Father who called me to Himself by gracing me with the gift of repentance that leads to salvation. God my Father who called me His own, through faith in His one and only begotten Son. God my Father who saw the horrible sins done to me and even those I did to others, gifted me and purposed me to love Him and others—greater than myself. So as I sat down to write my suicide note, and read over it, I realized my prevailing thought, "Let me write this, sharing what signs and symptoms a suicidal person displays so that when I'm gone and others read it, it will help other people who may know someone who's suicidal and help them."

This curious suicide note caused me to pray, "Lord, please make sure this note gets into the right hands so it will help many. Please open the blind eyes of people, especially in the church who are so wrapped up in their own lives, they can't see the brutal nakedness of those who are hurting...right before their very eyes. And Lord, please don't be angry with me. Oh Lord! Will you be angry with me? I never thought of that!"

In all the time I carefully planned the taking of my own life, I never thought about what God might think about all this. I was consumed with what I thought and how I thought others would feel. My singular focus was inward and horizontal rather than vertical. No wonder I remained in such despair.

Remembering Psalm 139, I saw clearly I would grieve God if I took my own life because He created me and numbered and ordained all my days before any of them began (Ps 139:16). His purpose is greater than mine. And His glorious love is greater than any pain I will ever suffer here. Convinced of the truth of the Gospel and from the whole counsel of God through His perfect Word, I no longer cared about what others did or said. I cared more about what my holy, good, and merciful God and Father did, is doing, and will continue to do to and for me, in Christ Jesus the Lord. I was once again living in the freedom Christ suffered and died to give me. I was no longer enslaved by the tactics of Satan's deception and my own sinful flesh that desired my will over God's will.

Depression isn't pretty. Suicidal thoughts and attempts, failed or successful aren't pretty either. But God, my Christ, is always gloriously beautiful and His ways and thoughts are infinitely greater and higher than ours! Trying to comfort people who are depressed and/or suicidal in the dark caverns of confusion and desperation, with the ways of this world...is not good...it is not helpful.

It is written, "'All things are lawful,' but not all things are helpful. 'All things are lawful,' but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor." (1 Cor 10:23-24) Whether we do the most mundane things in life, like eating and drinking, we are to do it all things for the glory of God. We are commanded to love God with everything we have and love others as ourselves. However, we are not commanded to love God and others the way we want and think is best. And human philosophies, pretty painted words and emotion-filled ideologies of comfort, hope and peace, are neither helpful nor do they build up.

Rather than turn hurting hearts and tear-filled eyes toward heaven, toward Christ, we try to comfort others by allowing them to remain inward and horizontal—the place where the despair began and swells. Rather than mourn with those who mourn and give them time to weep over the heartaches, praying the entire time so that we can clearly hear God say, "The time of mourning is over, now get up and walk", we sit too long in another person's cesspool. In this, we are not seeking the good of our neighbor, but we are seeking our own good, because if we're honest with ourselves, we do this because it makes us feel better about ourselves. It makes us "feel" like we're helping them, though God says we are not.

If you know someone who is depressed, you first need to pray before you intervene because only God knows if the depression is a faith issue caused by sin (theirs or others), or a medical issue. Then prepare by immersing yourself in Scripture so you can be strong enough to actually help the person suffering from depression rather than falling for the deceptive practices of this world yourself (1 Cor 10:12).

Remember, the only help we can offer anyone in need is the hope found in Jesus Christ alone. For this alone is true hope. In Christ alone can anything in this miserable world make sense and make us want to press on...for He who suffered more than any human being ever has or ever will, yet was without sin, suffered for our sake; reconciling us to God.

Desiring to take your own life is a sin.

But there is always God. Trust Him and look to Him; not yourself or others. Only the Gospel saves. Only the Gospel heals. Only the Gospel restores and produces right thinking and praise.

"Be not wise in your eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil... The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death... Truly no man can ransom another, or give to God the price of his life, for the ransom of their life is costly and can never suffice, that he should live on forever and never see the pit... [but] Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered... The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit... As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."

~Proverbs 3:7, 14:27;

Psalm 49:7-9, 32:1, 34:18, 103:13-14 (ESV)