The great comfort that comes from Psalm 14:6 (that I never noticed before) reminds my downcast heart of my Savior's great comfort, protection, and spiritual sustenance that I needed to hear today...and I didn't even know it. Truly, my God and Father loves me so perfectly in Christ Jesus my Lord, that He knows what I need, even before I ask.

I was greatly comforted by this verse because as Dr. Steve Lawson teaches, the “poor” spoken of in Psalm 14:6 aren’t necessarily those who are poor in the things of this world, but it is speaking of eternal poverty—those who remain dead in their trespasses and therefore, have not the riches of eternal life in Christ our Lord.

In the short clip below, Dr. Steve Lawson does well to teach us that those who hate God's Word; regardless of their profession of loving Him (2 Tim 3:1-8, 12), torment all who desire to live godly lives. Just as Satan masquerades as an angel of light, so do those who are enslaved to do his will (2 Tim 2:24-26).

These past two years, my physical afflictions have increased in severity and frequency due to being tormented and persecuted by Satan, who brought a divisive and harmful soul into my life. As many of you know, our good and wise and sovereign God and Father, deemed me worthy of suffering for the Name for 13 years during my childhood. And now, in my adulthood, my loving and wise God and Father has deemed me worthy of suffering for these past 15 years from the damages done (to most of my organs) from the brutal persecutions of my childhood.

In all these things, I’ve had the high honor and greatest joy of proclaiming the excellencies of Christ my God, whose love far outweighs all the travails of this world (2 Cor 4:16-18).

I’ve been able to successfully flee from the first two places I was tormented by this thorn (Mt 10:23), But when I was followed once again, my heart melted. And I became more depressed and felt all the more trapped after this thorn began seeking to be ministered to as the victim (per usual), while I am not permitted by God (according to Scripture), to say or do anything. So I do the best thing I can. I pray. I pray for my brothers and sisters to have God’s protection, wisdom, comfort, and strength (2 Cor 2:11 and Eph 5:6-16) so that they may not be injured and tempted to sin, as I have been.

I now realize that I’ve been running away from this tormentor due to fear, rather than run to Christ for protection, due to faith.

Even in my prayers, I’ve asked my Father to rid me of this thorn somehow—through granting eternal salvation to this person, or by any means…any means He sees fit—even if it means for me to flee again, or lose all that I hold dear in this life. For He is the LORD, and He is good. And I am reminded by God’s Holy Spirit, His grace is sufficient for me to endure this persecution, and Christ’s power is perfected in me, in my weaknesses.

Therefore, though I will keep praying for relief (no longer removal) of the torment from this thorn, I also thank God that this and all persecutions and trials happen only for my greatest good—to be conformed all the more into the image of His Son. And truly, there is no greater thing in this life or the next, than to be like Jesus!

Yes, it still hurts.

Yes, I still have moments of fearing man, instead of God.

But because my life is hid in Christ, I know assuredly, that though I may have moments of faithlessness, I know that He is always faithfully completing the good work He began in me until I go Home—because He cannot deny Himself (2 Tim 2:13).

So my soul continues to run to my Strong Tower, and with great love and devotion, my heart echos what Kind David wrote in Psalm 40:13-17,

Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me!

     O LORD, make haste to help me!

Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether

     who seek to snatch away my life;

let those be turned back and brought to dishonor

     who delight in my hurt!

Let those be appalled because of their shame

     who say to me, “Aha, Aha!”

But may all who seek you

     rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation

     say continually, “Great is the LORD!”

As for me, I am poor and needy,

     but the LORD takes thought for me.

You are my help and my deliverer;

     do not delay, O my God!

God's timing is always perfect (cf. Is 30:18, Mt. 6:8).

Needing to recover from a recent erruption of verbal friendly-fire (Christians assaulting Christians), where I was greatly discouraged for sharing the Gospel with anyone the Lord leads me to (family, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc.), the Lord provided me with abundant comfort and strength through His Word, my darling husband, and my oldest son. And as if that weren't enough, my ever gracious Father also provided me more encouragement through soundly biblical and exhorting books*, sermons and articles. One of the articles (below) was shared today, at Ligonier Ministries.

During this recent verbal attack, it was intimated that I was an unloving person because I didn't always seek to first "love" people through acts of service before I "earned the right" to share the Gospel with them.

In our self-indulgent world, love has been desecrated and redefined to mean all that's warm and fuzzy, verses it's true definition, "God is love" (1 John 4:8). And if God is love, then love is holy, it is righteous, it is good (perfectly moral), and it is sacrificial—which is in complete opposition to the world's teaching that love always makes me or you feel good. Sadly, this worldly and defiled definition of love has been largely adopted and happily welcomed by many Christians. And why is this a problem? Firstly, because anyone who adopts the worldly definition of love, is blaspheming God's holy character and causing the unbelieving world to mock and malign God's Word. Secondly, it's a problem because it weakens our spiritual immune system, making us more susceptible to sin and less sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. And lastly, because it makes us unfaithful children of the Most High God, who prefer to rub shoulders with the world (making people feel good), rather than lovingly offend them with the life-giving power of the Gospel.

God is love and He said the best way to love Him and others well is to share the Gospel. After all, didn't our Father God say in John 3:16 that it was His love for the world that He sent His one and only Son to the earth to suffer and die for our sins? And look what our Lord repeats here in 1 John 4:8-10, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins."

"And I, when came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom...that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."

-1 Corinthians 2:1; 5, ESV

During this recent discouraging and burdensome time with believers, most agreed that one of the best ways to share the Gospel (inoffensively) is to share our testimony. What? Unless our testimony includes the Gospel (which, actually, mine does...purposefully), then it's not the Gospel...it's our testimony...which, I'll say again, is not the Gospel. The Gospel is not about us. It's about Jesus.

Dr. R.C. Sproul, explains this biblically and succinctly.

"So they again called the man who was blind, and said to him, “Give God the glory! We know that this Man is a sinner.” He answered and said, “Whether He is a sinner or not I do not know. One thing I know: that though I was blind, now I see” (John 9:24–25).

"This statement, 'Give God the glory!' seems positive until we read the remainder of the sentence, in which the Pharisees revealed that they had concluded that Jesus was a sinner and therefore could not have performed the miracle. They were saying that the man should give glory to God, not to Jesus. The man was straightforward with them, saying: 'I don’t know whether He’s a sinner. I don’t even know Him. All I know is this: once I was blind and now I see.'

"With these simple words, the man bore witness to Christ. He testified about the redemptive work of Christ. However, he did not preach the gospel. What am I getting at? In the evangelical Christian community, we sometimes employ language that is not always sound or biblical. You’ve heard the lingo. It goes something like this: 'I plan to become an evangelist so I can bear witness to Christ.' Or sometimes we say, 'I had a chance to witness the other day,' meaning, 'I shared the gospel with someone.' We tend to use the terms evangelism and witnessing interchangeably, but they are not synonymous. Any time I call attention to the person and work of Christ, I am bearing witness to Christ. But that is not the same thing as preaching the gospel.

"More than thirty years ago, I learned the evangelism technique taught by Evangelism Explosion, and I trained more than 250 people in that program and led them through evangelism efforts in Ohio. One of the finest aspects of that program is that everyone who goes through it must write out and memorize his or her testimony. Your testimony is your story of how you became a Christian. I think it’s very important that Christians are able to articulate to other people how and why they became believers. We all should have a prepared testimony, and we should be willing to share it at the drop of a hat.

"But we shouldn’t confuse our personal testimonies with the gospel. Sharing our personal testimonies is not evangelism. It’s merely pre-evangelism, sort of a warm-up for evangelism. Our testimonies may or may not be significant or meaningful to those with whom we are speaking. There are lots of folks who can relate to my story; they say, 'Yeah, I know what he’s talking about because I used to live like that too.' But not everyone can relate to my story. In any case, the gospel is not what happened to R.C. Sproul. God makes no promise that He will use my story as His power unto salvation. The gospel is not about me. The gospel is about Jesus. It is the proclamation of the person and work of Christ, and of how a person can appropriate the benefits of the work of Christ by faith alone.

"We see this from our passage in John’s Gospel. The healed man could say, 'I once was blind, but now I see,' and that was a wonderful testimony. But it was not the gospel. The man could not tell the Pharisees about Jesus’ saving work and about how they could be delivered from their sins by faith in Him. So we need to learn not only our testimonies but the concrete elements and content of the biblical gospel. Evangelism takes place when the evangel is proclaimed and announced to people—that is the gospel."

-Your Testimony Is Not the Gospel

Ligonier Ministries article by Dr. R.C. Sproul,

11/23/2015, excerpt from commentary on John

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is this: Repent of your sins and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ (Mk 1:14-15). We are all sinners who have broken and are incapable of keeping the commandments of a holy, righteous and just God. Therefore, our eternal crime has earned us eternal suffering—the wrath of God—Hell, where the worm doesn't die, the fire is never quenched and where the Lake of Fire eternally burns without consuming you so that you will suffer for all eternity. But God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son into the world, not to condemn it because we are already condemned (John 3:16-18), but to suffer our punishment and die the excruciating death we deserve. Christ Jesus, who knew no sin, became sin for us so that all who repent and trust in His name, will be saved from the wrath of God and be granted everlasting life.

If you're a Christian, you've already "earned the right" to share the Gospel because Jesus Christ already gave you the authority/right to do so as a demonstration of your love and gratitude to Christ for your eternal salvation (Mt 28:18-20). Therefore, any Christian, who isn't prayerfully seeking opportunities to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ, no matter how nice or loving they or others think they are, according to God, the only person they're loving, is themselves.

Don't ever allow anyone, believer or unbeliever, deter you from faithfully sharing the Gospel with whomever the Lord leads you to share with.

"If you believe there's a Heaven and Hell and people could be going to Hell, or not getting eternal life or whatever, and you think 'Well, it's not worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward' ...How much do you have to hate somebody to know that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?" -Penn Jillette (Illusionist/Comedian, and self-professed atheist)

*The Crook in the Lot: The Sovereignty and Wisdom of God Displayed in the Afflictions of Men, by Thomas Boston (1676-1732)
The Practice of Piety, by Lewis Bayly (1575-1631)
Keeping the Heart: How to Maintain Your Love for God, by John Flavel (1627-1691)

Though it's an icky thought to have an electronic device (pacemaker) in my chest and two electrical wires (leads) in two chambers of my heart (right atrium and ventricle), I'm grateful to the LORD for providing this medical intervention that's making my heart beat as often as it should and gradually elevate as necessary, with activity.

I have a six week recovery that includes not being able to raise my left arm above my head, bear down on it, extend it back, etc. so as not to pull the leads out of my heart, which would require another surgery to put them back in. And for the first two weeks, I can't drive or do much of anything but rest, and possibly, some very light activity. Six weeks gives the tissue in my heart enough time to surround the leads and hold them in place. I never realized how many things I have to do that causes me to have to put my arms above my head (wash and brush my hair, getting dressed, reaching for a drinking glass, etc.), bear down on it (opening prescription meds, closing food lids) and extending it backward (to scratch an itch, to wash, get dressed, etc). This has caused severe pain in my right shoulder and arm due to overuse. So, I'll have to get this figured out too...perhaps...I just need to rest more.

Pain in the Flesh

I misread my care instructions and began some "normal" daily activity the day I got home from the hospital (e.g., unload the dishwasher, try to write this update). It turns out, I was supposed to pretty much do nothing but rest the first three days, and possibly have some very light activity for the next two weeks. Due to being overly zealous after my surgery, the past few days have been rough. I've had severe heaviness in my chest (where my sternum and heart are) so that it's difficult and very painful to catch a full breath. I've also had extreme pain in my shoulders, neck and upper back; so much so, I needed to take a pain med (Tramadol). I don't like pain meds due to the constipation and other side effects it causes. But thankfully, my Father God has brought me through many excruciating trials throughout my life that though my body has a low pain tolerance, I have a high pain threshold. This gift from the Lord made it possible for me to only have to take one pain med the first day home and I've been able to manage these other days with Tylenol here and there. God always knows what's ahead and provides us with what we need...when we need it.

In a couple of weeks I'll have my first post-op visit with my Cardiac Electrophysiologist (CE) and the rep from St. Jude's Medical (where my pacemaker is from) to make sure the personal settings they made for my pacemaker are working well for me, and to review the readings from my pacemaker to decide if, in conjunction with my pacemaker, I'll need heart meds to control my episodes of SVTs (supraventricular tachycardia), PACs (premature atrial contractions) and PVCs (premature ventricular contractions) caused by my heart arrhythmia: sick sinus syndrome. Both my Cardiologist and CE diagnosed me with sick sinus syndrome from the readings of my 14-day heart monitor. From this report, they discovered that I was having more bouts of bradycardia than the other arrhythmias (which was causing my lightheadedness, dizziness and near fainting spells). The pacemaker only controls my bradycardia, so my prayer is that the LORD isn't allowing enough of those other arrhythmias to occur so that medication is not needed to control them. But again, I am the Lord's handmaiden, let all things be done to me as He pleases. I know that whatever God wills is better than whatever I will.

Joy in the Lord

In the hopes that I might daily use and not waste the spiritual gifts God has given me, one of my constant prayers is Romans 1:11-12, "For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine." because I never know when I'll be with a fellow believer. One of the unique joys of being a child of the Most High God is the blessing of unpretentious, altruistic and beautiful fellowship with other saints in Christ Jesus, everywhere I go (1 Pet 1:22).

I had my hospital tract bag filled with books, DVDs, CDs and tracts so that I would be ready to exhort saints to press on and share the Gospel with the lost.

Right from the beginning, I was able to encourage and be encouraged by the faith of my phlebotomist and nurse who did the pre-surgery prep work for me. They shared personal details and concerns about their lives and the Lord allowed me to share His Word with them as only He knew they needed at that moment (Eph 4:29, another one of my constant prayers). My precious nurse had been a missionary in Tanzania for six years and has only been back in the U.S. for the past year. We discussed much about how every Christian is called to be a missionary—to share the Gospel, no matter where God puts us, in Tanzania, here in our country, as a nurse or as a patient. I gave her "God Has a Wonderful Plan For Your Life" (by Ray Comfort) to encourage her. We exchanged contact info and we're already planning on our next fellowship together! She told me she's enjoying the book and Ray's message regarding evangelism. It's such an incredible blessing to know that in Christ, I have the riches of His kingdom that I may freely and generously share with others.

Neither where we live for a time nor what position God grants us for a time, should be wasted. All that we are, wherever we are and whatever we do, we ought to do for God's pleasure and glory alone; for this is our strength and joy—our joy in the Lord (1 Jn 5:3)!

My Father God also blessed me with the joy of meeting a brother in Christ, my anesthesiologist. We shared how we're mutually inspired to share the the saving Gospel of Jesus Christ and how we both love and appreciate all the witnessing tools and resources Ray makes available through his ministry, Living Waters Publications. He told me how encouraged he's been by our brother Ray's ministry and asked me to relay a message of great thanks to Ray for his faithfulness and love for Christ and all those He came to save. So my Romans 1:11-12 prayer extended all the way to California and I was glad for it!

My anesthesiologist and I chatted about our mutual love and faith in Christ all the way up to the point of him putting me to sleep. As I began to fall asleep, I prayed that the Lord would help me (as He's done before) to share the Gospel, whether or not I'm fully conscience. Because I'm never completely lucid while in the recovery room, I can't recall all that I said and did, but I do recall asking those around me (I don't know how many were there because my eyes were still closed, but I heard multiple voices), "Do you know Jesus Christ?" There were varied responses and I don't remember if I got to share the entire Gospel, but I do recall saying, "You must repent and believe...there's nothing more important than your eternal salvation." I also remember repeating that multiple times and I'm not sure if I was talking to the same person/people. But I was grateful that the LORD granted me my request and I pray that the seed He gave me to sow was on the soft and tendered hearts that He's prepared to receive and believe the Gospel.

"This message [the Gospel] is not supposed to make us tame and comfortable. Christ crucified and raised for our justification is intended to unleash us, embolden us, and put us to work. Christianity is much more about serious adventure than sentimentalized safety. It is much more about faith in suffering than ease in prosperity. It is much more about death—death to sin and self—than it is about personal affirmation and precious moments."

-Dr. Owen Strachan, Tabletalk Magazine, August 2015 issue

Sadly today, we have too many "Christian Picnickers" and too few "Christian Runners". Our lives are but a mist and none of us are guaranteed our next breath. Just because I'm so obviously ill doesn't mean I will die before you will. No one takes one breath more or one breath less than God has ordained before the foundation of the world (Ps 139:16). And we ought not take that truth lightly or forget it altogether. Rather, we ought to embrace all that God has spoken to us through His Word and make the most of every moment we have for the glory and pleasure of our Savior, instead of indulging ourselves with personal affirmations and self-centered desires and fears.

My prayer is that God uses everything...everything that He's given me: my marriage, my parenting, my friendships, my time, my money, my talents, my spiritual gifts, my social media platforms, my writings, my errands, my broken body, and every conversation, to be something that's beautiful in His sight (Mk 14:6). And I pray this for everyone who claims Christ as their Savior; that we would all hunger and thirst for righteousness, and like our Father God, that our hearts would be filled with compassion for the lost. Don't waste another breath. Don't waste another vacation, errand, telemarketing call, etc. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and generously give others what you profess you're grateful for—Christ, given to you by God, as a propitiation for your sins, so that you may have eternal life in His Son.

About a decade ago, I followed John Piper and his ministry "Desiring God", with great joy.

I listened to sermon after sermon; purchased books for me, my darling husband, sons and sent them as gifts for friends and family. I shared links to their blog articles, retweeted their tweets, shared their materials over every social media platform I participated in, just to soak up and share what I thought at the time, was  entirely, soundly biblical wisdom.

Having decided to no longer be a Jonah or Moses when they were first called by God, I was hungry for the truth as I was coming to terms with the spiritual gifts God has given me (Faith, Exhortation, and Teaching).

With this hunger and resolve to have a heart more like Abraham and Isaiah, I wanted to obey God immediately—with joy, and use the gifts He so graciously bestowed upon me, for the purpose in which He gave them: For the encouragement and edification of those within the Body of Christ (Eph 4:11-16) without usurping God's authority of male headship within the church, and to go out to all the world preaching the Gospel, discipling young girls and women of all ages.

But in 2006, there was an uproar within the Christian community after John Piper extended an invitation to a young, filthy mouthed, unabashed preacher from Washington state, Mark Driscoll, to be one of the speakers at his Desiring God National Conference. And it didn't stop there. Though Piper was questioned and criticized (and by some, too harshly and unbiblically), he stood by his young protégé and extended two more invitations to speak at their national conference (2008 and 2009), though Driscoll proved to continue to get carried away by strange and unbiblical behavior like having pornographic divinations about other people's lives, and speaking harshly, including name calling to rebuke those within his church.

Unfortunately, Piper's lack of obedience to God's word in 1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.'" continued to perpetuate his decline in discernment as he extended an invitation to Rick Warren (2010) and Louie Giglio (2011) to be speakers at his Desiring God National Conferences as well. Then at Passion 2012, Pastor John Piper condoned and participated in Louie Giglio's practice of a meditative, mystical type exercise that closely mirrors the heretical "Lectio Divina" where Catholic priests believe that God directly speaks extra-biblical messages to those who engage in this mind-emptying practice (click link to listen to Todd Friel's "Wretched" radio program on this topic).

I share all this to show you how much Piper and his ministry "Desiring God" has, in some ways (not all), been led away from sola scriptura (Scripture alone), so that you might be more discerning about following their ministry (writings, sermons, etc.).

I know I can be easily deceived just like Eve, and desire all that feeds my flesh and makes it feel good through emotional and sentimental hogwash. With that said, it would be unwise for me personally, to continue to follow John Piper or his "Desiring God" ministry as he/they continue to engage and condone unbiblical practices.

I've found the teachings from John Piper and "Desiring God" (after testing it with God's word) requires more discernment than I currently possess. And since there  are other Christian teachers/ministries I can learn from (e.g., John MacArthur/Grace to You, Alistair Begg/Truth for Life, R.C. Sproul/Ligonier Ministries) that don't give me tired-head, I've chosen to only follow those who are clearly and faithfully following the Lord (Heb 13:7).

Basically, it's like this: When I sit down to relax and enjoy a good meal after a long, yet productive, hard work day, I'd prefer not to sit down to a meal I know will have lots of bones in it because I know there's a good chance I could be injured. I'd rather sit down to a meal where there are either no bones or just a few bones, so I can truly enjoy my meal and keep from serious injury. Sitting under John Piper's teaching is like the former, and sitting under guys like MacArthur, Begg and Sproul, is like the latter.

The upshot of this entire post is this: As God's holy and dearly beloved children, be obedient to God's Word, test everything against it, and never put any man (for none are infallible, except for Christ when He was here) on a pedestal, and lackadaisically assume popularity, size of ministry, etc., qualifies a solidly biblical teacher. Let nothing deter you from diligently being a student of the Word.

I love John Piper and view him as a brother in Christ who has unfortunately let his guard down, and has been deceived into believing that God's grace and patience is demonstrated through condoning sin in others...all in the name of "love"...by the world's definition.

I pray for him and I encourage you to pray as well. Pray for his ministry. Pray for all who follow him without question. And pray for yourself—that God would give you a discerning heart to love Him and His Word greater than anyone or anything else.

Stay tuned for Part 2, where I'll share with you, what I believe is a well-meaning, yet dangerous post, written by John Piper's son Abraham; an ex-prodigal, who came home.