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Showing posts with label Ask Sunny. Show all posts

I have often been asked, "How do I handle situations when professing brothers or sisters in Christ are offended when I use the Word of God often in conversations, or for reproof, or for the reason why I do or do not participate in certain things?" I promised my friends, readers and "followers" on social media that I'd share a more detailed response than the short and quick one I shared on my Facebook ministry page a few days ago. So here it is.

Before "handling" this situation, you'll have to first assess who you're speaking with: a possible false convert, or one who possibly does belong to Christ, but are presently burdened by their pride. The reason why I say this is because no true child of God abiding in the love of God is offended or put off in any way by the use of God's Word...unless they're being prideful. All Christians love God's Word and are only strengthened and encouraged by it whenever spoken, used or applied. It is a balm of blessing to our spirit and a sore spot to our fleshly pride. Thanks be to God for both!

"For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God."

~John 3:20-21 (ESV)

Distinguishing Marks of A False Convert

A person who is falsely converted may have made a profession of faith in Christ, but there isn't clear evidence there is any possession of the Holy Spirit's sanctifying work displayed in their lives (Js 2:14, 18-19, 26). Additionally, there is no continual practice of repentance (Mt 3:7-8), there is no grief for sins but rather the desire to conceal and continue in them (1 Jn 3:4-7), there is no evidence of reverent fear of God's holiness and regard for His righteousness (Ps 25:14, 36:1-3); and last but not least, there is no demonstration of love for God and others over love for self (Mt 22:37, 1 Thess 4:1).

Distinguishing Marks of a True Believer in Christ

A person who has truly been regenerated by the Holy Spirit through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, will love God and the things of God more than self. As Burk Parsons once said, "You can tell your faith is real if when the Holy Spirit pricks your conscience you bleed repentance." And often this conscience pricking by the Holy Spirit is through God's Word, whether read by yourself or spoken and shared by others.

I recall a time (between the ages of 17-20) when there was no outward appearance that I was truly saved. I lived a very carnal life that I would consider was worse than many unbelievers I knew at the time. But inwardly, there was a raging war within me (Rom 7:15, 22-23)—my old sin nature and the Spirit of Christ within me. Though outwardly it looked as if I enjoyed this sin-infested life I was living, inwardly I despised it.

So when God sent a precious sister in Christ (someone I hardly knew) to rebuke me with the Word of God (Prov 27:5-6), I wept bitterly and decided then that she was someone I really needed to befriend. Unfortunately, she didn't feel the same way, as she was quite disgusted by my iniquitous living. Though this saddened me, I understood, and was grateful for her godly rebuke because I was obviously in great need of it.

"Let a righteous man [or woman] strike me—it is a kindness; let him [or her] rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it."

~Psalm 141:5a (ESV)

Of course, none of us can see another persons heart (we can't often know our own; see Jer 17:9-10), but Jesus did qualify and command us to be wise fruit inspectors (Mt 7:14-20; 15:18-19) so that we may make the best us of our time here on earth (Eph 5:15-17).

One of the most unloving things we can do, is affirm the salvation of someone who's living in blatant rebellion to God and His Word. Conversely, the most loving thing we can do, is urge them to test their salvation (2 Cor 13:5) with the Word of God and not by the testimony of others.

If we truly love the Lord Jesus and care about those He came to save, we will be more concerned about a person's spiritual state than about offending them, or being offended or rejected by them. In this, we will desire to be better listeners, be more prayerful, and point the hearer to Christ (rather than ourselves and our opinions) whether they are saved or unsaved.

Share God's Word and obey God's Word not for the results (that everyone will agree with you or like you), but for the sole purpose that God is well pleased (Gal 1:10, 2:20). And to happily live in obedience to 2 Peter 4:10-11. But before you share any Scripture with others, test your own heart's motive with His Word first to ensure you're not doing this out of spite or to make/prove your own point (Ps 19:14, 139:23-24). After all, who are we that our thoughts and opinions should be valued and heard? It is God's Word and His precepts alone that are deserving and worthy of being heard and immediately heeded.

Therefore, make sure you handle the Sword of the Spirit as a skilled soldier and not as an immature and self-aggrandizing toddler.

"Sunny, why is it wrong for women to assert authority over men and is a woman sinning if she speaks at a women's conference and men show up?"

Desiring to be a good steward of the short time my Lord has appointed me on this earth, it seemed wiser to respond to the vast amount of emails and comments I've received by writing one article rather than trying to answer my readers individually on this particular topic. My prayer is that everyone who's already written as well as those who haven't but are wondering, might together, be encouraged by this article and the resources I'm happy to share.

Before I answer the above question, I want to clearly state that I am a complimentarian (theological view that men and women are equal in value before the sight of God and man, with differing roles within the home and church) and not an egalitarian (theological view that men and women have equal roles, i.e., ordain female pastors, elders, etc.).

"Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor."

~1 Timothy 2:11-14 (ESV)

God is a God of peace and order, not of chaos and confusion (1 Cor 14:33, 40). God has established every rule and authority that is in Heaven and on earth.

All that God created is good and beautiful, and though we live in a fallen world filled with sin, as God's beloved children, we are given a glorious gift in Christ: the ability to live as God wills and not as the depraved and our sinful flesh wills.

God established peaceful and orderly rule for the:

Trinity (Jn 14:15-17, 16:13-15)
Spiritual realm (Is 6:1-4, Job 1:12)
Salvation (Is 45:18, Acts 4:11-12)
Creation (Gen 1, Job 38:1-41)
Earthly government (Dan 2:20-22, Rom 13:1-2)
Church (1 Cor 12:28, 14:33-35; Eph 4:11-14)
Family unit (Gen 3:16; Ex 20:12; Lk 2:51; 1 Cor 11:3; Eph 5:22-33, 6:1-4)

We see from the above Scripture references that the LORD established an order of authority even within Himself, the Godhead: Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Though God is one God, revealed in three Persons and have the exact same nature, they have different roles. The Father commands and sends the Son, the Son obeys the Father and sends the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit indwells believers, testifying to God—who is truth.

Therefore, if God has peace and order within Himself, why would He create anything without peace and order?

In 1 Timothy 2:11-14, I find it intriguing that God took the submission of women to male leadership all the way back to Genesis when Adam didn't lead Eve and allowed her to usurp his authority (and therefore, God's authority); bringing sin into the world. The woman, not the man, was recorded by God, as the first sinner. I find this intriguing because of the severity in which God compares a woman's refusal to submit under male authority within the church and her home, to the very first act of sin. Seeing the danger in usurping male leadership as God views it, every Christian woman should tremble as I do.

By God's wise and good design, He first created a man, but incomplete without a counterpart (so that he may not take pride thinking he is sufficient in himself). Then after the man Adam realized he was alone and was in need of a help-meet, the LORD created Eve from the man's rib so that she might always be by his side (like the rib, both delicate and strong; protecting man's heart and breath), doing him good and not harm all the days of her life (Prov 31:11-12).

Therefore, for a woman to speak at a woman's conference where men happen to show up is not a sin. For how can a woman be at fault before God or man for what man chooses to do from his own conscience? But if a woman accepts a speaking engagement before a mixed gender audience where she will be teaching from the Word of God, then by God's command and established order, she is in sin, for she is practicing authority over men.

Some people have argued, "But what if the men of the church give women permission to teach men and women?" To them I say, who is man, any man that he should have the audacity to disobey God's Word and reestablish peace and order according to himself? We must remember Paul's epistle to Timothy was written to a man, commanding men not to give authority to women over men. Therefore, any man who presumptuously gives women authority to teach men, is in sin. And any woman who obeys a man who allows them to sin (by teaching men) also sins...but she doesn't have to. Here, a woman is given the freedom in Christ to appropriate her God-given wisdom to say "No" to any man who tempts her to usurp God's ordained order for the church and her home.

"but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious...as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."

~1 Peter 3:4, 6 (ESV)

When women choose to assert authority over men, they miss out on the beautiful protection from God and the lovely gift they can offer their husbands (or other male authority). Biblical submission is truly a gift from the Almighty for His precious creation—women. Let us not disdain it, but let us receive this gift from our Lord; desiring to be called daughters of Sarah who live by faith to please God, rather than live as daughters of Eve who first sinned against God.

Additional resources on biblical womanhood:

My Second Love: Biblical Submission and The Proverbs 31 Woman
Order In Creation - Ligonier Ministries Devotional
An Excellent Wife - Sermon by John MacArthur
The Role of Women in the Church, Part 1 - Sermon by Alistair Begg
The Role of Women in the Church, Part 2 - Sermon by Alistair Begg

“I have been with my present husband for 18 years. About 2 years ago he had an affair with another woman. It was hard for me but I dug in deep and leaned on my church for support. I have forgiven him but there are signs that maybe something is happening again (hides his cell phone, never uses it in my presence). He is also emotionally abusive at times. I am trying to hang in there. I attend church regularly and read my Bible and pray every day. He is a believer but does not share in my spiritual hunger or devotion. I am anticipating on leaving and divorcing him but I want to seek God and what His word says before I jump and make this move. Please help me.”

Dearest sister C,

My husband and I have been in much prayer for both you and your husband since I received your email. Your situation unfortunately, seems to be a common one, even amongst believers. And my husband and I often pray for God to help His children live as lights of this world, strangers, those who are so different that those who do not belong to Him, will ask where our hope comes from and where our trust and joy lie, even in the midst of painful trials.

It is truly sad that children of the Most High God do not often live as if we are; that is, live victorious lives in Christ, rather than floundering around in the mire pit from whence we came. But I don’t want you to be one of these sad children of God who are not living in your true life, your real life, the victorious life Christ died to give you. I want to exhort you and encourage you by God’s love and Christ’s perseverance, so that you too may rise above the ashes and see the beauty of your life, just as our Lord Jesus has given it you – for He gave you His life, and there is nothing more beautiful than that.

You stated that you are “anticipating on leaving and divorcing him but I want to seek God and what His word says before I jump and make this move.” This is very wise sister, and God will bless you for trusting Him and His word over the current pain of your circumstances and over your own personal emotions and desires. Here is what the word of God says about what you’ve asked:

Romans 7:2

“For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.”

1 Corinthians 7:10, 39

“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband…A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”

So, the simple and obvious answer according to God’s word, you must stay with your husband sister and not seek to divorce him. I know that this answer seems quite daunting in the light of what you are enduring right now precious friend, so I want to encourage you also with how the Lord desires for you to stay in your current situation by addressing some of the other things you mentioned in your email.

Sister C: I counseled with one of my female Pastors at my Church alone. She mentioned that she and her husband (who is also one of the Pastors) would be happy to meet with my husband and myself for couples counseling. My husband would not agree to it, but she did tell me that I need to continue praying and seeking Gods guidance on the matter. God blesses a marriage union and together he and I should not allow the enemy to come between us and destroy what God has blessed.

Sunny: You were wise in seeking help from your church, for this is the purpose of the fellowship of believers in which God has provided for you. Although it is not biblical for a woman to be a Pastor you received good and wise counsel from them sister. God truly blesses marriages and it was good that you were exhorted to stay the course, for your battle is not with your husband or the other woman (although it may seem that way), but it is with our enemy Satan, just as the Scriptures say:

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

“For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ”

Ephesians 6:12

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

And while it is true and ideal, what your Pastor said, that “together” you and your husband should battle the enemy, this is not always possible if the husband is not willing to repent and turn to the Lord for forgiveness and help. But because God is truly the God of all comfort and because He is true to His word, regardless if we or our spouses are true to ours/theirs, we can always trust and live by what our LORD God says and not how our spouses behave. For God has promised to give a woman an extra special measure of faith, grace, mercy and wisdom so that she may not only endure the pain of her husband’s sin(s), but so that she may also be strengthened by His word to fiercely wage war against the true enemy who brought this battle; Satan alone, and not her husband.

Here is the assurance and hope God provides for a wife who is married to a man who is not obedient to God’s word:

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

~ 1 Peter 3:1-6
(emphasis added)

Sister C: I know the Lord will never leave me or forsake me and I hold tightly to that promise, I just feel that my husband is hindering my spiritual walk.

Sunny: No, my beautiful sister, it is not your husband that is trying to hinder your spiritual walk it is Satan alone, for only Satan benefits and is pleased if you do not draw near to the Lord. Your husband has no personal gain from preventing your spiritual walk, only Satan does, for the word of God says:

Revelation 12:9-10

“And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world – he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.”

Sister C: I guess I am just looking for instant results and resolution but our time is not the Lords time and our thoughts are not His thoughts. It just gets really hard when I am called bad and insulting names; that’s when I just want to walk away from the marriage. It is a constant battle with the flesh and the spirit daily.

Sunny: Yes my beloved sister, it is – a constant battle with the flesh and the Spirit of Christ that dwells within us. And we must battle against our flesh and Satan, by abiding in Christ and His word, just as He commanded us. We must press on, no matter the circumstance, for Christ our God has promised that He will comfort us, strengthen us and He alone will win the battle for us, if only we die to ourselves, our pain, our sorrows and live fully and only in His joy; that is, to faithfully, lovingly and willingly obey the Father. Our Lord Jesus understands and knows about our sorrows, much deeper and more grievous than we could ever comprehend, for we will never suffer as He suffered to save our souls. Therefore, let us stand on His word alone, so that we might not be shaken and let us fix our eyes on the Founder and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Here are some Scriptures to comfort and strengthen you when you are weary from the battle against your flesh and the enemy:

Psalm 16:8-9

“I have set the LORD always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.”

And though your flesh and Satan tempt you to disobey God’s command to you as a wife, do not give in sister, do not waver, but hold fast to our Lord’s promise and His words of hope, comfort and exhortation:

1 Corinthians 10:13

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

Beloved sister C, you are very wise in discerning God’s truth as you stated that you know that God’s timing and thoughts are not the same as our timing and thoughts; just as the LORD spoke through the prophet Isaiah:

Isaiah 55:8-11

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”

As far as the insults you have endured, sister, I understand. I have been there too. The LORD our God was merciful and gracious to me when He allowed me to endure 13 years of severe physical, emotional and verbal abuse by my entire family – this all due to the fact that I alone am a Christian amongst my parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. It is not easy to endure daily spears of wicked words being hurled at you. But it is humbling to consider the same words and even worse words were hurled at our Savior. And when I am humbled by this thought, I remember what He taught me through His word and I pray this comforts you as well and directs your heart toward God’s love and Christ’s perseverance (2 Thessalonians 3:5).

“For to this you have been called because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in His steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth. When He was reviled, He did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but continued entrusting Himself to Him who judges justly.”

~ 1 Peter 2:21-23

I would like to close with this thought my beautiful sister, remember what you are living for – Christ Jesus alone, for His glory alone and for His pleasure alone in order to demonstrate the measure of your gratitude toward God our Father who gave His only begotten Son, so that we might all live above and beyond the trials of this world and live in His glorious light. We live for THAT day, not THIS day, for THAT day is quickly approaching, and THIS day and all its troubles will pass faster than a mist. Therefore, let us set our hearts and minds on all that is above, always preparing ourselves for the Day of the Lord; that our lives may be considered as something beautiful in the sight of our the Lord Jesus (Mark 14:6).

2 Peter 3:10, 14

“But the Day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed…Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by Him without spot or blemish, and at peace.”

Mindful of the above passage, I want to spur you on sister, knowing that the Day of the Lord is near (Hebrews 10:23-25). And to live not as those without hope or trust in the One True God, but as a daughter of God Most High who trusts her Father’s words over her own emotions, feelings, thoughts and weary soul.

If you would like further and continued support as you travel this road, I think you would greatly benefit from participating in my online Bible study, My Second Love: A Proverbs 31 Study so that you will have continual encouragement from God’s word to stay your course and press on. ♥

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

May the grace and peace of our most merciful God and Father, keep you dear sister. And may our precious and beloved Jesus strengthen you with the power of His grace.

"Hi Sunny, I found your blog not too long ago and I am amazed at your heart for the Lord. I am no where even close to feeling what you feel for God. It always seems to be a struggle for me. It is a long story.

As I read your post in regard to your husband's diagnosis I noticed at the bottom you included this statement in regard to yourself, "in addition to of all that the Lord has chosen for me regarding my health", I have to admit I was amazed to see that. In regard to your statement I wonder if you can explain to me how you came to the place of knowing that your illness is something God has chosen for you? Can you tell me where you found Scripture in regard to this so I can see it and perhaps apply it in my own situation although mine is quite different from yours in that I have constant pain and no diagnosis. It is scary sometimes, yet you seem to have peace. I guess I haven't learned to trust God very well. Blessings to you and thank you for sharing your faith the way you do.

~ L"

Dearest sister L,

Thank you so much for writing and sharing your heart with me.

First, I’d like you to know that I am saddened to hear about your condition sister and have been praying for you every since I received your email. Second, I pray that Lord God will give me words of comfort and relief, imparting much grace to you sister, so that your faith may be built up and your hope in God restored.

You asked where in Scripture I have found the confidence to say that God has “chosen” these past 7 years of illness for me and how you may also apply these same Scriptures to your life and your situation.

Here are some of the Scriptures the Lord has graciously provided for me:

Psalm 139:16

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Job 2:10

“But he said to her, ‘You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?’ ”

Psalm 73:24-26

“You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Romans 8:28-29

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

1 Corinthians 4:16-18

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

There are many more, but I believe these will suffice for the purpose of confirming that God is truly sovereign and nothing happens in our lives without His choosing or consent and that the greatest good in our lives is to have the privilege of being conformed into the perfect image of His Son, Jesus Christ, the Lord and Master of our souls.

In all the above Scriptures, God has spoken plainly to His children in regards to His unfailing love, mercy and abundant grace that is poured out to us from His glorious riches through Christ Jesus our Lord (Ephesians 1:17-23).

You specifically asked where this faith and trust I have in the LORD came from. My faith itself and the measure of it came from God (Romans 12:3) – both the faith necessary for salvation (Ephesians 2:8-9) and the spiritual gift of faith (1 Corinthians 12:9). For those whom the Lord hasn’t chosen to give the spiritual gift of faith, may request an increase, as our Father God generously provides all things in Christ to those who ask with a humble and genuine heart. If our almighty Father God has generously given us His one and only begotten Son, is there any good thing God would withhold from us if we ask?

As far as how I came to trust God the way I do…well, it came mostly from reading, studying and meditating on His word, and believing Him. The rest of it came from seeing His word fulfilled without fault, in every aspect of my life.

God taught me at a very young age that whether I suffer persecution or any physical trial that is common to all, His love for me is far greater than the pain of any suffering; and that no suffering of any person will ever be greater than the pain in which my Savior, Christ Jesus the Lord, suffered in my stead.

My great trust and deep abiding faith was cultivated through the fires of many adversities in my life, in which the LORD God, in His great wisdom and sovereignty chose/allowed. Though at the time I could not say what I am saying now with the same measure of confidence and gratitude towards God, I now see myself more soberly as I meditate more on God’s glory and less on my circumstances.

I think most often, we become disgruntled with God or lose our faith in Him, because we do not view God as He has revealed Himself to us through His word. Instead, it seems many people, whether Christians or non-Christians, tend to hold a view of God that is contrary to who He says He is. In other words, we’ve made an idol to worship, attached the name “Jesus” to our idol and then say things like, “Well, my god would never allow such evil or painful things to happen.” And honestly, that statement is true because that god is a false god and is void of any power. On the other hand, my God, the one and only true living God is all powerful and states clearly in His word that He never promises that His children will not encounter storms in their lives (John 16:33). Instead He promises that when the storms come, no matter how scary, violent or horrendous they may be, He is more powerful than all storms and will safely see you to the other side.

I’m not perfect and I too, from time to time have forgotten this truth; much like the disciples in Mark 4:35-40. In this passage, the disciples were terrified of the great storm that came upon them as they sailed to the “other side”. Now, these were seasoned fishermen, who had undoubtedly endured many fierce storms in their lifetime. So I am sure, this was no usual storm that caused such fear in these men. But after Jesus rebuked the wind and the sea, He also rebuked the disciples, stating that they had no faith because they were afraid. On the surface, this seems to be a harsh rebuke from the Lord, but since we know that the Lord is not harsh with us, we must search deeper so that we might know and understand Him better. Why did our Lord Jesus question their faith? Well, because the disciples forgot two essential things the Lord already told them.

He, God, will be traveling in the boat with them; they will not be left alone.
He, God, said, “Let us go across to the other side.” He did not say, “let us try to go to the other side.”

Like the disciples, I have had times when my faith is weak and my trust is questionable, not because God is weak or because His word is questionable, but only because I forget what He’s already said and what He’s already done. And why does this happen? Because I forget to do one very simple thing…daily – give God thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and view my life from an eternal perspective.

The lack of gratitude for God’s promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us, and the lack of remembering that God has said and proven that He always gets His people to the “other side”, breeds weak faith.

So what are some practical ways you can apply the above Scriptures to your life so that your faith may be strengthened? I've listed below, some things I do to "work out my faith" (Philippians 2:12) and remain steadfast in the Lord:

Feed your eternal spirit (read/mediate on Scripture) at least as often as you feed your temporal body (a minimum of 3 times per day)
Give God your first fruits by starting the day in thanksgiving, prayer and listening intently to His counsel through His word and worship Him in spirit and in truth
Look for opportunities to live out all that He is faithful to teach you. Be intentional. Don’t wait for opportunities to hit you over the head, seek them out and find someone to bless each day
Seek out occasions in which you can practice humility
When trials come your way, ask God two things: a) What lesson can I learn from this Lord? b) How can I use this experience to honor you and bring you glory?
End each day, repenting of any sins and thanking God for His faithfulness and mercy as you recount all His goodness to you.

Most merciful and gracious Father God in Heaven, please help my sister and others out there who feel the same as she does. Give them the faith you have given me and impart to them the same comfort and rich blessings you have bestowed upon me. I know that I am not better or more deserving than others, so Father, please I pray, give to them as you have given to me, for with You, there is no favoritism. Strengthen their weak faith Lord and graciously teach them Your way. With great love and gratitude in Christ, I thank You Father. Amen.

Dear Sunny,

“I had a question that has laid on my heart that I wanted to ask and felt that you would be able to help clarify about.

So maybe people, including non-believer's are quick to misphrase "judge not lest ye be judged" without taking the scripture into context and then cite the "Sermon on the Mount" as the "Golden Rule" yet, from personal reading, there is no reference to a "Golden Rule".

It is like they are trying to rewrite the Bible into human terms and to justify sinning.

What is the true meaning of "judge not lest ye be judged" and your thoughts of the "Golden Rule" that is often thrown about and use to "justified" no judging at all and if we are watering down Christ's message and the message of salvation by taking out conviction, sin and righteous judgment and trying to paint Christ's sacrifice as a "love one and all unconditionally-sin and all?"

This is a wonderful and truly relevant question as this “Golden Rule” is thrown around so carelessly and callously by Christians as well as non-Christians in today’s society.

What’s ironic is that it seems acceptable to pass judgment and gossip about other brothers and sisters in Christ behind their backs as long as we present it as a “prayer request”. But if anyone were to confront valid sin issues with another believer, we are called Pharisees and legalist. Then, before we can respond we are slammed with the judgment of breaking the “Golden Rule” (the truth about the "Golden Rule" is below). Seems a tad hypocritical doesn't it?

The reader is absolutely correct in their assessment of the prevalent hypocrisy and misinterpretation of this Scripture by many, who use it as an excuse and freedom to sin; which is shameful for anyone who claims Christ as their Lord and Savior (1 Pt 2:16).

The precious and pure blood of Christ was shed to free us from the captivity of sin, not so that we can more freely sin, say “I’m sorry” and do it again. None of us should ever take God’s forgiveness lightly, for if we do, God says in His word:

“For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has spurned the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

~ Hebrews 10:26-31

But let’s not quibble about words and discuss our opinions on this matter. Instead, let’s seek The Judge, who wrote the perfect Law, speak on what He meant in Matthew 7:1:

Judge not, that you be not judged.

It’s so easy, tempting and foolish to rush to an interpretation of God’s holy Word based on our own opinions, personal experiences or what we’ve heard people whom we respect say on a matter.

According to Scripture, it is wisdom to discern Scripture with Scripture; to test the heart of God’s message with much prayer and counsel from the Holy Spirit who will lead us into all truth, with the truth – God’s Word (John 16:13); and not with our skewed and biased measures.

So instead of separating Matthew 7:1 from the context in which our Lord Jesus spoke these words, let us read our Lord’s entire thought , so we might clearly understand the heart of His message regarding judging one another:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”

~ Matthew 7:1-5

The Greek word our Lord Jesus uses here for judge is "krino" which means “to pick out, to separate”. So what is the Lord saying?

Just so we aren’t confused, He makes it clear: don’t be a hypocrite. In other words, don’t think you can pick out or separate the “speck” from someone else’s eye if you have the whole trunk of a redwood tree in your own eye. Instead, first take that large piece of redwood out of your own eye, so that you may safely, lovingly and clearly help your brother/sister with what is hindering them and causing them to stumble—if they are in fact, stumbling.

“Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!”

~ 2 Corinthians 13:5

“But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.”

~ Galatians 6:4

When our Lord Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged.” He was clearly speaking against hypocritical judgment (like the Pharisees), and not against Christians practicing wise judgment that is not based on human tradition; our finite experiences, knowledge or understanding; personal biases or opinions. But rather, our Lord Jesus is clearly commanding His disciples to practice wise judgment that is solely based on God’s Word (Jn 7:24). That’s why Jesus says before you take the speck out of someone else’s eye, first take the large piece of redwood out of your own eye, so that you can truly be of help to others.

Our God and Father commands us to love one another as Christ has loved us. And because Jesus is God, He is holy and righteous and loves us enough to gently reprove, strongly rebuke, or sternly admonish us when we are sinning. If we strive to die to self so that we may live more fully in Christ, we will, with much prayer, love, kindness, long-suffering, gentleness, with God's Word, urge others to repent of their sin and walk in the new life Christ died to give them. He wants us to love one another enough to humbly “wash” each other’s feet. As a matter of fact, our Lord Jesus, the night He was betrayed, commanded it:

“Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.” For He knew who was to betray Him; that was why He said, “Not all of you are clean.”

When He had washed their feet and put on His outer garments and resumed His place, He said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”

~ John 13:10-17

Not only does our Lord Jesus command us to “wash” one another’s feet (and we can only do this by clearly judging that they are dirty), but He says those of us who know this and does it, is blessed and commended by Him.

“Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?”

~ Romans 2:1-3

“Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”

~ James 4:11-12

The Lord Jesus is clear; one of the ways we demonstrate His love for one another is by washing each other’s feet, that is: rebuke, correct and admonish one another in love (1 Timothy 3:16).

“For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.”

~ 1 John 5:3

“My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

~ James 5:19-20

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

~ Galatians 6:1

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

~ John 13:35

“By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.”

~ John 15:8

“But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”

~ Hebrews 5:14

“Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it. Yet my prayer is continually against their evil deeds.”

~ Psalm 141:5

"But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

~1 Cor 5:11-13 (emphasis mine)

There are many more Scriptures to cover this point, but I think you get the picture. God is not against one of His children who, by His wisdom (James 3:17-18), rightly judges a brother/sister in Christ who is in sin, and lovingly rebukes them, just as Christ our God has done for us–with great compassion, mercy and grace.

We see all throughout Scripture that God honors those who truly display the love of God by caring not for self, or what might or might not happen to them, but instead is willing to rebuke others and suffer possible reproach for the sake of a brother/sister who is obviously (by God’s standard) in sin.

“And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

~ 2 Timothy 2:24-26

As for the question regarding the term, “Golden Rule”; well, the reader is correct again, it is not Scripture, but merely a section heading placed there by Bible publishers to help us quickly find specific topics our great and awesome God has spoken to us through His Word.

Not only is the "Golden Rule" only a section heading, but it also does not refer to judging—at all. While it is in Matthew chapter 7, the section heading only applies to verses 12-14 which refers to exercising Christ's sacrificial love and eternal salvation.

"So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

~ Matthew 7:12-14

Below is an excerpt from my ESV Bible (published by Crossway):

“Section Headings

Section headings have been included throughout the text. While the headings are not part of the Bible text itself, they have been provided to help identify and locate important themes and topics throughout the Bible.”

In closing, I’d like to exhort every one of you:

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

~ Proverbs 27:6

So don’t be a Judas and only say things that tickle people’s ears, but step out in Christ's love, and courageously, lovingly, humbly judge with the wisdom from Heaven, using God’s Word to restore a wandering brother/sister back to an intimate fellowship with Christ and His Body.

Last week, I received an email from one of my reader's who asked me a few questions regarding Christians divorcing and remarrying.

Before I share my answer I'd like to say a few things:

First, I'd like to state that my answer is strictly based on God's word regarding His children's involvement in both divorce and remarriage. I am neither condemning nor supporting any of you (or those you love) who have divorced and remarried in a way that is unbiblical. I am very aware that we are all sinners, and by God's generous grace, He has provided us forgiveness for all our sins by the shed blood of His one and only begotten Son, Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior. Therefore, if you have participated in an unbiblical divorce and/or remarriage, I encourage you to repent of sins before God, carefully listen to His admonition and teach others what He has graciously taught you, then thank God for His forgiveness and His continued blessings He bestows on your life because He is faithful even when we are not. Then move on from this place and let it burden you no more. As God's holy and dearly loved children, we ought never allow our past sins to deem us ineffective for future Kingdom work (Isaiah 43:19, Philippians 3:13-14); instead we ought to share our past sins (when/where appropriate) as a spring-board to teach others of God's immeasurable grace, mercy and love as we encourage them (just as we have been) to "go and sin no more" (John 5:14, 8:11) as you give glory and praise to God for His miraculous work of restoration.

Second, I want so much to bring God's peace and harmony and truth to all of you. Divorce is a very difficult trial that has come to many of us who have been called by God and I I know you have already suffered much, and I don't desire to bring you any further grief or pain by my answer. Instead, my prayer has been that through my answer, God will grant you much peace (regarding your divorce and/or remarriage) where there was no peace; that God will grant you comfort and clear answers through His word so that you may stand firm in His view of you and not in the opinions of others (even other brothers and sisters in Christ); and also that our Father in Heaven will spur you on toward love and good deeds without the cloud of condemnation, guilt and shame you may have or still are experiencing right now due to your divorce and/or remarriage.

Third, my prayer has been that through my answer, the Lord will call His children to return to His high view of marriage so that His word may not be maligned due to the current divorce rate in the church being the same as the divorce rate of those in this world. I pray that my answer will be used by God to build up every believer in the faith, impart much grace to the hearers (or readers in this case) and will demonstrate not my own fallible opinions, but the wisdom of God that is first of all pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

Question #1:

"I don't know if I've ever read any of your thoughts on divorce and remarriage, but through my own study and the teaching of those whom I trust, I believe divorce and remarriage is sinful. I know there may be cases when spouses just leave or whatever, but even in such cases, I believe the deserted spouse should remain unmarried (1 Corinthians 7). Even considering the possible exception clause, I think Jesus still is saying that remarriage is adultery (Matthew 19:9). What do you think about the divorce/remarriage issue?"

Answer #1:

The word "divorce" is mentioned 43 times in the Bible (24 in the OT and 19 in the NT). In order to illustrate God's view of marriage and also to keep this answer from being ineffective, I will use three passages from the OT and nine from the NT that pertain to this reader's specific question.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

Due to the hardness of the Jewish mens' hearts at the time (Matthew 19:8), Moses "allowed" a man to divorce his wife, but only in the case where she commits sexual immorality (the HEBREW word used here for sexual immorality is 'ervah, which means "nakedness and includes sexual indecency, fornication and adultery"). Moses did not make this "allowance" in opposition to God who clearly states that He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Instead, Moses put this "allowance" into place to protect women who lived during this time from being divorced for any reason (Matthew 19:3), as was commonly practiced. But notice that a man is not commanded to divorce his wife in the case of her sexually immoral behavior, but he is only permitted to divorce her if he is not able to withstand the heartache (and/or trust God) to reconcile all things in His perfect timing.

** NOTE: In all cases of sins against one another, God makes His preference for forgiveness, mercy and reconciliation clear all throughout His word.**

Moses does not mention here that a woman can divorce her husband because that was strictly against Jewish law and at that time, women did not have this right. Instead, it was expected that if a godly woman were married to a harsh and ungodly man, she would entrust herself to the one who judges justly (1 Peter 2:20b - 23), the Lord God, who alone is her Helper, Defender and Protector in times of trouble; and this word still holds true today.

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
~ Psalm 34:18

Isaiah 50:1 and Jeremiah 3:8

The LORD God states that He divorced His people Israel due to their sins; their adulteress ways. The Lord also mentions later in both Isaiah 50 and Jeremiah 3, that He also restores those in Israel who will obey the voice of the Lord and return to Him when Jesus comes. We see here that the LORD clearly states that His people Israel had broken the written covenant (the Law) with Him through their practice of sexual immorality; therefore, He divorced them. Then He makes a new covenant with them, not by the letter of the Law, for the letter kills, but by the grace of God's Spirit that gives life (2 Corinthians 3:6); through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the Father makes for His Son, a new bride - the Church, who has been cleansed of all her sins (Revelation 19:7-8); born of water and the Spirit and no longer flesh of flesh (John 3:5-6).

There are several passages in the gospels where Jesus teaches on the subject of God's people divorcing and remarrying: Matthew 1:19, 5:31-32, 19:1-9, Mark 10:1-12, Luke 16:18 as well as a couple of passages in the writings of the Apostle Paul: Romans 7:1-3 and 1 Corinthians 7:8-15, 39.

Matthew 1:19

"And her [Mary's] husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly." We see here clearly that Joseph was "just" in being resolved to divorce Mary due to her seemingly sexually immoral behavior. But the Lord graciously sends an angel to tell Joseph that Mary had not been sexually immoral, but instead had conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit; therefore it was "just" and right for him to marry her.

Matthew 19:9

"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." Which means if a man's wife has been sexual immoral, he is free to marry another without committing adultery, but if she has not been sexual immoral and he divorces her, and remarries, he will be an adulterer, for he will be the first to break the marriage covenant and not her. This is the only place in Scripture where I found Jesus stating that remarriage of the "innocent" party is permitted; in the case of sexual immorality by a spouse.

It used to be my understanding that since the Lord Jesus does not mention here or in any of the gospels that a woman can divorce her husband, that meant that a woman did not have the right to do so. But as I continued to pray and meditate on God's word, I have come to realize that Jesus was speaking to the Jews (which in their custom, women did not have equal rights as men) and our Lord was only answering the question the Pharisees posed to Him regarding the husband's responsibility in marriage and not the wife's.

In order to understand God's eternal words, we must first search His word, while carefully listening to the counsel of His Holy Spirit that we might rightly interpret Scripture according to the mind of God and not according to the ways or inclinations of man (1 Corinthians 2:10-13). From this truth, we can safely ascertain that while Christ upheld the order in which a Christian household should be maintained (husband is the "head", etc.), Jesus never missed an opportunity to show the Jewish men that He gave women equal value and worth as He did men (e.g. in Jewish synagogues women could not enter where the men were, but Jesus allowed women to travel with Him and stay just as close to Him as the men; and when Jesus resurrected on the Third Day, He chose to first appear to a woman and sent her to tell the brothers). Therefore, it seems clear that if our Lord Jesus permitted a man to divorce his wife due to his wife's sexual immorality, and remarry without becoming an adulterer, then we can be assured that our gracious Lord Jesus has granted this allowance to women as well.

**Again, I can not stress this enough, although our Lord permitted this one and only reason for biblical divorce and remarriage of the innocent party, He always advocates mercy, forgiveness and reconciliation over judgment and the breaking of any bond between Christians (James 2:13).**

Matthew 1:19, 5:32, 19:9; Mark 10:2, 11 and Luke 16:18

The GREEK word used for "divorce" in these passages is: apoluo which means, "to release, to set free, to dismiss from one's house, send away".

1 Corinthians 7:10 and 15

The GREEK word used for "divorce" in these two passages is: chorizo, meaning "to separate, to divide, put asunder, divorce".

1 Corinthians 7:11

Interestingly, the Apostle Paul uses a completely different GREEK word for "divorce": aphiemi which means, "to abandon, leave destitute, wrongly desert".

You might be asking "Why were three different GREEK words used to describe divorce?" The answer is because each word illustrated three different circumstances in which divorce occurred.

apuluo

This word is used when God grants the innocent party, permission to be released from the marriage covenant from a spouse who has behaved in a sexual immoral way; as the sexually immoral spouse has "cut off" his own body and bound it with another.

"Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, 'The two will become one flesh.' But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body."
~ 1 Corinthians 6:16-18

chorizo

The writer uses this word to remind the hearers that it is not permitted by God for a husband to put asunder ("cut off) that which God has made one, for any reason he chooses.

aphiemi

This word is used to strongly admonish a Christian husband that he must not unbiblically abandon his Christian wife (which is the point Jesus was making in the previously mentioned gospels).

Included in this first question, the reader cites two Scripture passages regarding a Christian's divorce and remarriage: 1 Corinthians 7 (more specifically, vv. 11 and 15) and Matthew 19:9.

1 Corinthians 7:11 is not referring to a Christian woman who has separated or divorced her husband due to abandonment. Instead, in this verse, the Apostle Paul, through the Spirit of Christ is commanding a Christian woman to never separate herself or divorce herself from her Christian husband, but that she must die to self, submit herself to God and her Christian husband in order to keep the bond of peace in the Holy Spirit by which they have become one in the body. The Apostle Paul also states that should a Christian woman sin by either separating herself or divorcing herself from her husband (except in the case of her husband's sexual immorality), God is still gracious and merciful and upon her repentance, He will either reconcile her to her husband or give her the gift of remaining single (Matthew 19:10-12). This is obviously a case-by-case situation and no one can speak for another as to whether or not God has granted them the gift of remaining single. We ought never to judge another brother or sister in Christ, for we know not what the Lord has commanded them in their hearts (James 4:11-12). This is strictly between them and the Lord and if we must assume one way or the other, then as Christians we ought to assume the best of our brothers and sisters and impart to them much grace; just as God has given it to us.

In 1 Corinthians 7:15 the Apostle Paul is specifically addressing Christian men and women married to unbelieving spouses who desire to divorce them due to their faith in Christ causing discord in their marriage. As Christians, we are admonished to live at peace with everyone, as much as it is up to us (Romans 12:18). But if an unbelieving spouse is the instigator of strife in the life of their Christian spouse because of their faith (and not because the Christian spouse is behaving in a manner unworthy of the Lord [1 Peter 2:16, 20]), then Scripture says that the Christian spouse is "free" to let the unbelieving spouse file for divorce. This Scripture however does not state that the Christian spouse is the one who should file for the divorce or should choose to leave because he/she is married to an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:12-14).

1 Corinthians 7:15 is sadly one of the most misinterpreted verses of Scripture and has unfortunately been used by many Christians as an excuse to divorce their unbelieving spouse and remarry a Christian spouse. In this verse, the Apostle Paul does not mention the Christian's spouses option to leave an unbelieving spouse, nor does he state that once divorced, the Christian spouse is permitted to remarry. As a matter of fact, the GREEK word used in v. 15 for "bound" is douloo which means, "to make a slave (bondservant), to give oneself wholly to another's needs and service". Which is very different from the GREEK word used in 1 Corinthians 7:39 and Romans 7:2 where the GREEK word used for "bound" is deo which means, "to bind, fasten, put under obligation of the law, to be bound to one as a husband or wife".

Therefore, we can clearly conclude that when Paul wrote that a Christian is not "bound" in such a case, he was stating that unlike what he mentioned in the previous verses (10-11 regarding Christians who are equally yoked), a Christian who is unequally yoked is not "bound" to make peace, serve, or submit to an unbelieving spouse who desires to divorce them. Instead, the Christian spouse is "free" to allow the unbelieving spouse to leave and file for the divorce. What Paul does not mention here is whether or not the Lord our God permits the Christian man/woman (whom an unbelieving spouse divorced) is free to remarry. Therefore, where God has not clearly revealed His will, I choose to stay silent on the matter, for I fear the LORD God Almighty too much to presume.

Question #2:

"So, my question is this: is it right to join in fellowship, evangelism, etc. with someone I believe to be living in sin? There are several Scriptures that tell us not to associate with people who call themselves brothers but who are living sinfully (like 1 Corinthians 5), so even though I would love to have an opportunity to witness and learn more about witnessing, I just feel like it might be hypocritical or wrong."

Answer #2:

According to Scripture the brothers/sisters in Christ whom we are not to associate with are those who continually practice sexual immorality (i.e., sexual indecency, adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism, etc.), greed, idolatry, revilers (people who speak disgracefully or defamatory of others), drunkards, swindlers and those who continue in idleness (1 Corinthians 5:11, 2 Thessalonians 3:6).

If you have solid evidence (it can't just be a "hunch" or from "word-of-mouth") that a believer is habitually living in any of the sins listed above, then biblically, you are commanded to break fellowship with them, but only after rebuking them in love. But if you do not have solid evidence of this, it is unbiblical for you to break fellowship/disassociate yourself with them.

Breaking fellowship/association with another believer is only applied in order to allow them to clearly see their sin for the sake of their repentance and restoration in their personal walk with Christ and with other believers (2 Corinthians 2:5-8, Galatians 6:1). That's why Paul writes in verse 6, "For such a one, this [breaking fellowship] punishment by the majority is enough," for a believer who has been convinced of his sin before God and possibly others; confessed and repentant of his/her sins and have asked for forgiveness ought to be gladly and lovingly (with no strings attached) restored to the fellowship of believers. Breaking fellowship with another believer should never been done in joy, malice or out of conceit, but it must only be done out of Christ's love, humility and with the hopes of their repentance for the purpose of their good, not yours.

Question #3:

"I also wonder if I should address this issue with her, although she has already talked to me about how she "believes in marriage" but just ended up in a bad first marriage after marrying young."

Answer #3:

Yes, you should absolutely discuss this with her, as there is much that is unknown and unclear regarding her divorce and remarriage. As children of God, we ought to always in love, desire to bring all things into the light so that everything may be clearly seen whether or not all things have been carried out in God (John 3:21). Following are some questions you might want to ask her:

Were you and your first spouse both Christians when you were married? (If no, skip to question #4)
Was there sexual immorality involved?
If not, who filed for divorce and why?
Do you take any responsibility for the disintegration of your first marriage?
If so, what has God taught you through your mistakes/sins so that you can help others to avoid them?
Do you feel deserving of your second marriage or blessed that God has been merciful and gracious to you?

Prayerfully consider what the Lord will have you discuss with her, keeping in mind and meditating on: Ephesians 4:29, 2 Timothy 2:24-26 and James 3:17-18. I will be in prayer for you as well.

May the LORD our God direct your heart to His love and to the steadfastness of Christ Jesus our Savior.

About four months ago, a reader emailed me a question. I'm delighted to finally be able to answer this very important question, but also very sad that it has taken me so long to do it. As most of you know, I've been quite ill for some time now and well, my thinking hasn't been clear enough, nor has time been made available to me, in order for me to give proper attention to this reader's question. But I trust our Lord God is sovereign and He has allowed all this time to pass for a reason. With this knowledge, and with the reader's permission to publicly post this answer (while leaving her identity anonymous, as requested), I move forward to one of the things that bring me great joy; exhorting brothers and sisters in the Lord Jesus Christ all the more as we see the Day drawing near (Hebrews 10:25).

This answer will be saturated with Scripture, as God clearly states that He alone is qualified to answer on His behalf. So I choose to allow God's word to speak rather than share any opinion which may be solely based on my personal experience or from what others have written or spoken. Therefore, please be sure to be like the Bereans and read every Scripture that is noted and test it with the Word of God for yourself, so that your faith is founded only in the Word, our Lord Jesus Christ, and not that of any man or woman; as we are all but fallible human beings who worship the one and only perfect and awesome Savior, the LORD God Almighty.

"Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so. [Acts 17:11]...And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. [1 Corinthians 2:1-5]...but test everything; hold fast to what is good. [1 Thessalonians 5:21]...Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. [1 John 4:1]"

QUESTION:

"My question is about your post concerning the young man who killed some people at a church. You posted his letter, which I read. My question is why, if this person was so desperately seeking God, did He not answer? From his letter, it seems this young man was trying to find God...searching for Him the best that he could. The Bible also says that everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved (Acts 2:21). Wasn't that young man drawn to Jesus (John 6:44); he was certainly crying out to Him?

If one is searching for God, not something to fill what only He can fill, but truly seeking God, isn't that being drawn BY Him TO Him?"

ANSWER:

According to Scripture, God always answers...His children; that is, those who are called by Him and granted the gift of repentance that leads to salvation (Romans 2:4, Romans 8:28-30, 2 Corinthians 7:10).

In order to best understand the answer to this reader's question, we must first search God's word to understand His character; His character as He reveals in Scripture, and not by man's attempt to describe God by limited human logic and reasoning. Once we've done that, then we will be able to better discern what exactly happened to this poor soul who took the lives of many others before taking his own, after "attempting" to "find God".

First, let me share that the LORD our God is most certainly not lost; we are. That is why Jesus said He came for the "lost" (Luke 19:10). We, do not "find" God, He finds us in our wretched and depraved state, saves us from our miry pit of destruction, and puts us in a right relationship with Him (Psalm 40:1-4). Think about it. If God were a god that you had to "find", then that would imply that he is fallible and has a very poor sense of direction. And who would want to worship and follow a god who not only has no idea where he is going, but also needs your help in order to have a relationship with you? Doesn't make much sense does it?

Okay, now that we've got that all cleared up, let's consider how we might best gain understanding of God's awesome and holy nature revealed to us in His word. When we read Scripture, first, we must all be in prayer, asking the Holy Spirit, Who alone can discern the thoughts of God our Father, to help us understand what it is we are reading (1 Corinthians 2:10-13), that we might accurately divide the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15). For the LORD clearly states in Jeremiah 9:24, "but let him who boasts boasts in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love [lovingkindness], justice and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD."

In reading God's word, we too often (especially us women) read it based on our emotions or personal experience rather than on God and His holy and unchangeable character. As we see in the aforementioned Scripture (Jeremiah 9:24), God desires that we understand and know Him, that He is a God who practices steadfast love, justice and righteousness in the earth. We all seem to like the "lovingkindness, steadfast love" part of the LORD, but seem to negate that He is also a just and righteous God who demands that justice be executed and holiness be perfected in everyone who calls on the name of the Lord. Who can stand before such an awesome God? No one, except the man, Jesus Christ the Lord.

Note: It is impossible for any human being to be perfect or be found righteous before the sight of God. But God, in His great mercy, compassion and grace, has declared righteous, those He has called...."For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." [2 Corinthians 5:21]

The reader states: "From his letter, it seems this young man was trying to find God...searching for Him the best that he could. The Bible also says that everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved (Acts 2:21). Wasn't that young man drawn to Jesus (John 6:44); he was certainly crying out to Him?"

The key word here is "seems". No one can know with absolute certainty, another person's heart; only God knows.

What we can ascertain is God's nature and how He relates to His creation, particularly human beings. And we do this by how the Lord has reveals Himself in Scripture:

"The LORD passed before him [Moses] and proclaimed, 'The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and fourth generation.' "
~ Exodus 34:6-7

The most amazing thing about this passage is the fact that the LORD God Himself is proclaiming His nature; revealing His very character to His children.

In Psalm 103:8-13, King David echoes this truth, in which the LORD God proclaimed of Himself to His servant Moses, "The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will He keep His anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him."

The key phrase in this passage is, "those who fear Him". We'll come back to that in a bit.

One of the most misapplied Scriptures in churches today is that "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." [Acts 2:21] to mean that everyone and anyone who merely states their desire to go to Heaven rather than Hell, will be saved and that God will indeed grant them eternal life. But this great misunderstanding is far from being true.

Don't be convinced by my words. Be convinced by God's words:

"though they were not yet born and had done nothing either good or bad -- in order that God's purpose of election might continue, not because of works but because of Him who calls -- she was told, 'the older will serve the younger.' As it is written, 'Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.'

What shall we say then? Is there injustice in God's part? By no means! For He says to Moses, 'I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.' So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy."
~ Romans 9:11-16

It is written in Scripture that only those God has called to Himself will have the ability to "cry out to God" out of a true and repentant heart.

"I am the Good Shepherd. I know My own and My own know Me, just as the Father knows Me and I know the Father; and I lay down My life for my sheep [Jews]. And I have other sheep [Gentiles] that are not of this fold . I must bring them also, and they will listen to My voice. So there will be one flock, one Shepherd. [John 10:14-16]...You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He may give it to you [John 15:16]...My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand [John 10:27-29].

Now, let's return to the phrase "to those who fear Him." God repeats this phrase all throughout Scripture, from the Old Testament to the New Testament. Here are just a few:

"The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, and delivers them. [Psalm 34:7]...The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear Him, and He makes known to them His covenant. [Psalm 25:14]...Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His steadfast love, [Psalm 33:18]...Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him, that glory may dwell in our land. [Psalm 85:9]...but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His steadfast love.[Psalm 147:11]...Then those who feared the Lord spoke with one another. The Lord paid attention and heard them, and a book of remembrance was written before Him of those who feared the Lord and esteemed His name. [Malachi 3:16]...And His mercy is for those who fear Him from generation to generation. [Luke 1:50]...The nations raged, but Your wrath came, and the time for the dead to be judged, and for rewarding Your servants, the prophets and saints, and those who fear Your name, both small and great, and for destroying the destroyers of the earth.” [Revelation 11:18]

We know that when God repeats Himself, not only is the point He is repeating vitally important, but we can know with certainty that our merciful, kind and patient God wants us to really "get it".

The reason why it "seemed" like this man was truly "seeking" our God who is not lost, is because he is passionate in his plea. But we must remember, passion does not equal sincerity. If you reread Matthew Murray's letter (addressed to God), in the light of God's word and in the brilliance of God's holy character, you will clearly see that this man was not truly "seeking" God. Instead he was seeking the approval of other people and for someone to come into agreement with his personal theology and way of thinking. In other words, he was seeking false gods. Matthew Murray created idols of the "people of the church" and tried to create them to be the kind of people he thought would accept him, pity him, befriend him and ultimately benefit him somehow.

If you recall, in Matthew Murray's letter, he curses at God, blasphemes His holy name (all, which I blacked out), and drowns his entire letter with tidal waves of arrogance, self-exaltation, and the idea that the world and God owed him something (1 Timothy 6:3-5, 2 Timothy 3:2-5). This is truly not a man who is crying out to God with a broken and repentant heart; because if he were, then his letter would've been filled with adjectives used by "those who fear Him", and not by those who dishonor God, His name and His character.

Matthew Murray was very obviously in love with his sin. And God clearly states that He never listens (not that He doesn't hear, but He doesn't hear and act on) the prayers of such people (Psalm 66:18). Unlike us, God cannot be fooled and He will not be mocked. He is faithful to do all that He has claimed.

Therefore to conclude my answer to this reader's question, I will end with this:

The LORD God is absolute when He states that He only saves those He has called (Matthew 24:31). And He is faithful to save every single one of them (John 18:9). Without God's call of salvation on a soul, no person will ever desire God on his own, no matter how much they say they do (Romans 3:10-12); for we know our hearts are deceitful and wicked above all things and only the Lord our God can truly know it (Jeremiah 17:9-10). God is faithful; His character is not dependent on the act(s) or proclamations of men, "What if some were unfaithful: Does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God? By no means! Let God be true though every one were a liar,' " [Romans 3:3-4b]

I believe this last passage of Scripture I will share, perfectly answers what happened to Matthew Murray; tragically, a false convert, who chose to "believe" in a god of the false, watered-down, man-centered gospel (Galatians 1:6-9), that has no power to save a soul, but merely tickles itching ears (2 Timothy 4:3-4), as the hearer plummets down the slippery slope of destruction (Psalm 73:18-20).

"The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and His ear toward their cry. The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned."
~ Psalm 34:15-22

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