Meditations from the Hospital Bed - 1

God's Gift of Grace: To Commune with Jesus

The Lord has been so gracious to me in showing me, that where I am does not define who I am. Since the day of my salvation, I am forever and will only be defined by my relationship with Jesus Christ. The fact that I'm in the hospital and was told last night, "you won't be going home anytime soon" changes nothing about Who resides in my heart and commands my every thought and instills in my heart His every desire.

Therefore, I have dedicated this time that I'm in the hospital to write notes to all of you as our merciful Heavenly Father provides me strength and wisdom to share all that He is teaching me during this time.

"Communion with God was a great thing; to evangelicals today it is a comparatively small thing. The Puritans were concerned about communion with God in a way we are not. The measure of our unconcern is the little that we say about it. When Christians meet, they talk to each other about their Christian work and Christian interests, their Christian acquaintances, the state of the churches, and the problems of theology -- but rarely their daily experience of God."

~J.I. Packer, A Quest for Godliness

My heart was deeply struck by this statement as I have fallen into the sin of "it's all about me". When I began to get very ill and knew that this illness was a bit different than all the past ones from these last five years. I found myself desiring attention and lots of it. I wanted people to feel sorry for me. So sorry for me that they would sacrifice their lives, family, church, etc. priorities and blessings so that they might pay attention to me. And when they did, I was unkind. I did not have wholesome talk, but gossip and bitterness regarding past hurts from churches I once attended. As I spoke, it was obvious I had not forgiven them, but instead had formed the insane idea that I was more righteous than they. It became clear to me last night after my dear sisters in Christ left my room, that I had sinned and grieved my glorious God and Savior, Jesus Christ; Who shed His precious blood to cleanse me from the filth of self-righteousness and self-glorification. I was sure at this point that I had not fulfilled what the Holy Spirit inspired the Apostle Paul to write:

I'm confident my words to my sisters last night, was corrupt, did not build them up in their faith, was not fitting for the occasion and most certainly did not impart God's grace upon them (Acts 4:33) so that we might fellowship and commune together as we ought in our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, I have repented of this sin and asked our merciful and very patient Heavenly Father to forgive me as I have (this time) truly forgiven those who have sinned against me; realizing that they have first sinned against God - just as I have.

I pray that today, I have imparted God's grace to you all by sharing with you the resurrected life of Christ within me. May the LORD our God who is gracious beyond what we can ever deserve bless you this day with His word, mercy, kindness, and abounding compassion as you seek to commune with Him, as you seek to rejoice in the truth that we have peace with the Lord God Almighty and may participate in the great gift of communing with Him because of Jesus.